Is this the end of my marriage?

[P17]

And you love her?

If that was referring to the above post then no, I don't ... cause that's my MIL I was talking about

P17---

I have not read your full thread...but I have seen some of your advice...and it's good. I'm glad you're on the board. May you be successful. Saying a prayer for you....
sg

Thanks sg. Believe me when I say I am glad of the board - for the advice I have been given, for the advice given on other posts and the opportunity to help others!

I also saw your post about thread length - my next update will start a new thread!

[sgctxok]

NP...keep on doing what you're doing.

[newmama]

P17, your words of wisdom are now famous! :-) You were quoted on the "quotes found on divorce busting" thread!

[P17]

P17, your words of wisdom are now famous! :-) You were quoted on the "quotes found on divorce busting" thread!

Where?!?!!? I looked for my wisdom but it ain't there

It was news to me I had any wisdom!

I quoted cutter - is that not what you saw?

[chatterbug]

Well P. I avoided the IC all this time. But I think I am going to look into seeing what work will provide. I do not want to use IC to look at my deep past. I want to use IC to help me with DB principals and goal oriented principals in life. I think I have come along quite well. But I think this would really help me stay focused on my growth. And help me with every aspect of my life. I truelly want to become a better person from all this. Balance out the negative with postitive. And set myself up where all this becomes a habit.

I do not want to repeat the mistakes that got me to this point in life.

I know that I have a habit to float. Go with the flow. That my friend is a 180 I have been working on. But I think I am going to really need some additional help on this.

I wanted to know what your thoughts are on this. Hence why I posted in your thread. And I was wondering if you thought of IC as well?

Since we have kind of began to use your thread as a ground to toss ideas around.

Perhaps we should start another thread on all this here in the Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy section.

I really do not want to fail again on this issue.

Anyways. I hope your having a good day.

[P17]

Well P. I avoided the IC all this time. But I think I am going to look into seeing what work will provide. I do not want to use IC to look at my deep past. I want to use IC to help me with DB principals and goal oriented principals in life.

I had an MC for me and W which turned into an IC when she split. The counsellor for me has actually been pretty important in getting me to where I am. I have to admit though that generally I feel worse after coming away from her. The emotions that are brought up and the feelings that are dusted off can be quite overwhelming but it is a lot better now than it was at the beginning.

The counsellor for me is a sounding board for things I want to get off my chest. I know I can say anything I like without being judged or without having her 'opinion' in it. She listens, validates and asks me questions to help me find my true feelings.

Not once has she delved into my past though.

It was also her who gives me the confidence to go on as she can see me changing.

I think I have come along quite well. But I think this would really help me stay focused on my growth. And help me with every aspect of my life. I truelly want to become a better person from all this. Balance out the negative with postitive. And set myself up where all this becomes a habit.

I only have positive experiences with my IC so I can tell you that this should help you. Counselling isn't for everybody, and I know it wasn't for W, but it works for me and I think it would for you. The key is to be open.

I know that I have a habit to float. Go with the flow. That my friend is a 180 I have been working on. But I think I am going to really need some additional help on this.

My 180 is take control of me and my life

Perhaps we should start another thread on all this here in the Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy section.

I think that might be a good idea. I don't have a problem using this thread though as I have started another one.

I really do not want to fail again on this issue.

Cutter, it sounds to me like you're having a bad day. Am I right? You don't sound as confident and as focused as you have before. Something in particular happen today or has it just been one of those days?

Anyways. I hope your having a good day.

It's been entertaining See new thread.

[chatterbug]

actually its a good day my friend. This was something I was holding off on for along time. I feel that I know now what personality traits that I really need to change for the second half of my life.

1. Going with the Flow.
2. Complacency with goals.
3. Learning to say NO.
4. Boundaries.
5. Stop being the GIVER all the time.

I feel that I am now strong enough to face these challenges.

So I now need to set in play the support group to help with these changes.

This has taken me 5 months to work out. 5 lines from 5 months of soul searching.

I am actually very proud. I kept breaking my list down. Over and over and over. And worked on it each day.

I also took my ring out of its box last night and placed it in my wallet. I am going to carry it with me again all the time as a reminder that I have 5 long term goals to work on every day.

The ring will now symbolize my promise to myself.

I think I may buy a chain and wear it around my neck with the ring on it.

So I have a constant reminder of what Complacency can cause. Perhaps a white gold chain which would be kudos to Thomas Covenant, the Unbeliever

Its neither a happy day or a sad day. Its one of those 2 steps forward day.

[P17]

This has taken me 5 months to work out. 5 lines from 5 months of soul searching.

I am actually very proud. I kept breaking my list down. Over and over and over. And worked on it each day.

You should be proud mate. Some people don't get this stuff in a lifetime. 5 months is pretty good going. Sometimes I think if only our WAS's could see us now ... what would they think? We are better people than they will ever know.

I also took my ring out of its box last night and placed it in my wallet. I am going to carry it with me again all the time as a reminder that I have 5 long term goals to work on every day.
The ring will now symbolize my promise to myself.
I think I may buy a chain and wear it around my neck with the ring on it.

Maybe we should do this together mate. I have been thinking about putting the ring 'on' again for a while. The last time I actually wore it on my ring finger it felt wrong. Maybe around my neck? But then that would symbolise to W that I still pine for her. For me it's about commitment, nothing more. It's food for thought.

So I have a constant reminder of what Complacency can cause. Perhaps a white gold chain which would be kudos to Thomas Covenant, the Unbeliever

You sounds like your blaming yourself there mate. Complacency on both sides maybe?

Its neither a happy day or a sad day. Its one of those 2 steps forward day.

I know those days. Sad you're having to move forward and deal with this sh*t but good that you are moving forward and you are DEALING with this sh*t.

[chatterbug]

Hey P missed your reply.

Actually it was not blame. I was thinking that each step I take forward I would feel it bounce off my chest... Seemed like a positive idea at the time. Perhaps I am off my rocker

[P17]

Hey P missed your reply.
Actually it was not blame. I was thinking that each step I take forward I would feel it bounce off my chest... Seemed like a positive idea at the time. Perhaps I am off my rocker

Not off your rocker. Sounds like a plan to me.

If the ring and chain symbolise your vows and commitment then that is a strength that you should keep with you. However you do it.