Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[newmama]

I am also betting that the OW will be the one to force him to make a decision...like DBD's WS and his OW are doing.

[P17]

It would not be fair to my son if I had another child with someone else. If we D, I would get my son half the time and then the next child would get to be with me full time. I can't do it!

You misunderstand! I never said you had to have a child. I was asking what he would say if you talked about it. Make him jealous - have him realise what he is missing and leaving?

[newmama]

Oh....I see now! I will think about it!

[P17]

I am also betting that the OW will be the one to force him to make a decision...like DBD's WS and his OW are doing.

Hmmm. Then maybe let her? The more pressure she puts on him the more he may push away from her?

[newmama]

That's what I am thinking...I know my approach is cake eating (without the icing) but I just now got a compliment about my cooking...I am surfing the net and WH is looking at the paper and he casually says "it's pretty cool that you are doing all kinds of cooking. It's really good, too. You didn't do that before." I just said "yeah, I am at home and I wanted to try to be a good cook...so I am going for it!" and he said "yeah, I guess you were working before so that can make it hard." I told him "I guess you cooked more! Thank you for that."

He IS noticing my changes!


And then he changed the subject about some expensive Northface fleece...

[june72]

newmama,
How do you want to play this out? Statue quo forever is unacceptable, right?

My situation was different- 14 month in-house separation with 2 kids (no A). I don't know if you would call the truth darts. But after many months of DBing with little changes on his end. I started making small mentions to the possibility of D- confidently, calmly and off the cuff remarks on rare occasion. I also started to pull back some more and more from the friendliness and conversation. I just gave very small minor hints about the direction things would eventually head if the way things were continued. Irony being that he was insistent that we were going to end up divorcing in the future.

Could you in a sly way leave up dating web sites? If you hubby sees them you could say "yeah, I've started to think about it, I mean I would love for us to be together again but if you don't want to, I need to start to think about moving on. I just am nervous about introducing son to another man you know. Hmm *sigh*"

Are you gutsy enough to do it? I think it would really shake him,

Maybe something like- people keep telling me I should start dating, I'm not sure yet. I just worry about finding a guy who would love our son as a father should. I mean it's not just about what I would like in a guy, I have to make sure he would be a good father.

Or out of the blue, I've been thinking about dating, when are you filing?

Or just Have you given any thoughts to filing? If he starts to talk about it. Maybe state- well just so you know I am still against divorce and I would love to have a marriage with you again but I can only express my wishes- you have your own decisions to make. I have been doing a lot of thinking about things as of late though (leave it vague, maybe)

Can you tell us a lot more about this OW? Details please

[P17]

"yeah, I've started to think about it, I mean I would love for us to be together again but if you don't want to, I need to start to think about moving on. I just am nervous about introducing son to another man you know. Hmm *sigh*"

"well just so you know I am still against divorce and I would love to have a marriage with you again but I can only express my wishes- you have your own decisions to make. I have been doing a lot of thinking about things as of late though (leave it vague, maybe)

That just sounds like pursuing.

"people keep telling me I should start dating, I'm not sure yet. I just worry about finding a guy who would love our son as a father should. I mean it's not just about what I would like in a guy, I have to make sure he would be a good father."

That sounds good though.

If the OW is pressuring H then I would steer clear of anything that looks like pressure from your sure. If you give her enough rope, maybe she will hang herself ... metaphorically speaking of course ... ahem.

[newmama]

Could you in a sly way leave up dating web sites? If you hubby sees them you could say "yeah, I've started to think about it, I mean I would love for us to be together again but if you don't want to, I need to start to think about moving on. I just am nervous about introducing son to another man you know. Hmm *sigh*"

I DO have a profile started on Match.com. Yesterday, WH was glancing toward the laptop but it was open to something innocuous (sp?). I really think that your suggested words would be really good to use somewhere toward mid to end January!Based on what I know about my WH, I think these words are useful!But too soon. Ihave to listen to my gut combined with the advice of others. My gut has been right usually about bad things, but once in awhile I trusted it for good things and it was right. It's ALWAYS right about PEOPLE. I just am proud of that.

If the OW is pressuring H then I would steer clear of anything that looks like pressure from your sure. If you give her enough rope, maybe she will hang herself ... metaphorically speaking of course ... ahem.

P17, THIS is what I feel could be happening currently. I could be mindreading but I think I want to just hold out a little longer and see. It pains others more than me, possibly, to see me holding out on bringing up D. BUT I have only been acting the way I have since end of October-beginning November. Less than 2 months. I have avoided talk about our R or D since forever-like May.

[newmama]

I want to clarify what I said about DBD's sitch (sorry DBD!).
I mean that it seems typical that someone, us or OP, will pressure our WS to divorce. So, just as DBD's WH has not filed yet, he is feeling pressure from OW to do so. He is lashing out. OW is also reading all emails and EXPECTING WH or DBD to file.
That's why everyone is telling DBD to wait it out...or stall in the least.After time goes by, OW is the nagging and unpredictable emotional one. Ideally, WH realizes that his own BW is not saying anything, is going on with her life, and he starts to second guess his decision. He realizes BW is becoming stronger, more improved, and WANTS the marriage. As the reality of the complications of D come to light for WH, he may just rethink things.
I don't know, just rambling a little, but logically it makes sense.

[newmama]

June, the OW: 5 years younger, flirtatious, pursued other men in the office, sexually aggressive, enjoys video games, partying, works with WH, has a 3 year old with exH, WH supported her through divorce from exH last year.I think this is how EA started.

As far as looks go, her boobs are bigger, our figures were similar otherwise(I am still shedding pregnancy weight currently). She has a lower back tattoo and piercings that she brags about within the first week you meet her. (guess where. I have another friend I've known for 2 years who also has piercings but just told me a month ago.) She has some pretty features, but is not BETTER looking than me ( my point is he did not trade up in looks! or w/ anything else as far as I can tell!)