A Choice

[TrentC]

Just got off the phone with W. I called her, she answered. Usually she doesn't. The reason I called her was because I was sinking and just found that I could not remain silent anymore... especially since we really have not had a sit down to really honestly discuss our issues. I will tell you about the convo in a minute.

So you decided to start a relationship discussion at a time when you were feeling emotionally vulnerable? Seriously?

W is still in the fog. OM is still in the picture for now. Probably will be for some time. I do not know how long she plans on seeing him, I did not ask. But he is her best friends son or step son. OM is 35 yrs old.

She plans on seeing him as long as you allow her to. And the longer it goes on like this, the harder it will be for her to stop.

I did restate my boundaries regarding OM and left it at that.

And what boundary is that, exactly? Because nothing I've read in the description of thist conversation shows any kind of principle, or backbone, on your part.

She also (finally) agreed that even though the old marriage is dead, a new one is not out of the picture. We talked about her ending her A (which was brief) and she again stated that she did not know what she really wanted at this point. I told her fine, I am in a better place after what I think is a positive convo and I am starting over today going Dark. I will not pursue, and let the cat come to me.

So you decided that you're not going to pursue after you broke down and pursued like crazy? How long until you start feeling down and decide to break radio silence again?

You let her sit there and talk about how great the OM is, and let her dither on about how she doesn't know what she wants and whether or not she will come back to you or keep banging this other guy? And you're OK with that?

...honestly, I don't know what to say other than "Good luck with that".

You're so far off of the DB'ing trail that no advice I can give is going to help. Maybe if you finish reading DR instead of sitting on it, you might start to understand why we advise people the way we do.