First time poster feeling a bit lost

[MT21]

So seeing as nobody else is posting here now, and this is just kind of turning into my personal memoirs.

Again today we were very pleasant, I am still ultra calm, I havent raised my voice in weeks, something I was definitely struggling with in the past.
I talked about some of my actions and how I thought they could have impacted her, and slowly but surely she began to open up. Not everythings out yet and we have a long way to go but I do feel that we may be starting to turn a small corner. I am a realist, and I know that we may never resolve this but I am going to try and at the end of the day I will have a clear conscience and generally feel like a better person.

I am GAL but I am super pleasant to my wife, I am not ignoring her, and for the first time in a long time I am starting to enjoy talking to her. Even if it is a little strained at times. More importantly now I am calm and feel like I can stand next her without feeling angry.. I am starting to notice lots of small things, changes in earrings, hair etc.... She replies I have had them for a while or Ive done it like this before...Where have I been??? How could I have missed this beautiful woman right under my nose for so long... What an idiot...I hope I don't lose her for ever..

Dont get me wrong she has her part to play in this and still needs to come to the party, but I am starting to unravel me and my mess..



We have a counseling session booked for the new year.
We are spending Xmas and boxing day together.

Also I would like to add, No evidence of OM, no texts, no calls, letters...no late from work...nothing. I do not know why I even started looking. I could never believe she could do it to me.
I have stopped any snooping and my trust must return if this is to work out.
The fact is anyone could cheat, you cant hold people against their will, if they stray then that's their issue. not mine... Its ridiculous to think that I even looked.
Its like a disease that grips you and has probably given me more to think about over the last month than really getting to grips with the situation.

No trust:No R...

I am probably not going to post again.

Only to let you know the outcome.. Au revoir for now..

MT