A Choice

[TrentC]

Looking back I hate myself for causing my W so much hurt. She is in the FOG and I feel like the weatherman.

You can't take the blame for her having an affair; that's not fair to you. She took marriage vows also.

I will not drop my W. Not for any reason. I have and always will LOVE her. I don't want to know nothing else.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to fight for your marriage, but you have to have boundaries of acceptable behavior. As Greek and others will tell you: for women, they have to respect their partner in order to be in love with them.

Your saying that you are willing to turn yourself into a doormat and wait around while your wife sleeps with another woman, hoping that she'll come back to you -- is that the behavior of a strong, confident person? Someone that commands respect?

You know this may seem funny, but if you removed the EA and the PA, the addiction to prescription meds... my W has been the most awesome partner I could have ever hoped for.

Nothing like damning with faint praise.

I can still see her in 7th grade peering over a music stand to see me blowing on my tuba. She has changed in many ways, but that beautiful little girl is still with her today. I see it.

Part of your problem is that you are refusing to see the reality of the situation.

You say that you're willing to wait, but the person you're waiting for is not the 7th grader in band class! You don't get to "remove the EA and the PA and the addiction to prescription meds"; they are a part of who she is.

That's not to say that the affairs and the addiction aren't things that can't be overcome of forgiven, but you are worshipping a fantasy version of your wife.