A Choice

[P17]

W said she has thought of going to MC, but not sure if that is what she wants. Right now, I think she just wants the OM. I thought I could deal with this better, but I am finding out that apparently I can not.

Patpat, you sound like you're going through h*ll at the moment. For yourself, keep telling yourself 'I can handle it' because you can.

Every single one of us on here have been where you are now. EVERY ONE OF US. We know what you're going through mate. We feel for you. We really do.

But the 2x4.

Your W said she thought about going to the MC but is not sure? What would it take to make sure? Do you think that somebody who is 'sinking fast' is going to be the person she is going to go to the MC for?

Looking back I hate myself for causing my W so much hurt. She is in the FOG and I feel like the weatherman.

String strong words. You made a mistake. Big deal. Sh*t we've all make mistakes. Every single one of us on here made a mistake that puts us here. But there are two people in a marriage and that other person made just as many mistakes as we did. The difference is we have the strength to admit our mistakes and won't to rectify them. Give yourself a huge pat on the back for just being here. That takes guts and it takes courage to do that.

I did notice that my R needed something. I knew it had to begin with me. I started looking for help 1 yr 4 weeks ago. It has been hard. Lots of up and downs trying to accept things (defects in my behavior & personality). But once I did, it got easier.

You had problems. You made mistakes and you went about fixing them. How many spouses do that? I know my W didn't. I know that almost everybody's spouse on this forum didn't do what you had the courage to do. You are strong. Forgive yourself. Pick yourself up. Dust yourself off and say 'I will handle it' and move forward.

W problably already in an EA by this time. W shutting down over last 6 months due to years of miscommuniaction between the 2 of us.

That sounds like your W made a mistake. Instead of trying to rectify things, she shut down. Why is that your fault?

She notices all the changes. Tells me, why could you do this years ago. Feels like 2 little 2 late. But I am hanging in there best I can.

Ahhh, the too little too late speech ... got that T-Shirt.

You couldn't do this years ago because you didn't know it was a problem years ago. It's called lack of communication - which takes TWO.

Get the Divorce Buster and Divorce Remedy books today and start reading them (if you only want one, try Divorce Remedy).