A Choice

[soleil]

W said she has thought of going to MC, but not sure if that is what she wants. Right now, I think she just wants the OM. I thought I could deal with this better, but I am finding out that apparently I can not.

As long as that guy is in the picture, her brain is going to be foggy as hell. Is she still seeing him? How long for?

The fact that she is thinking about MC is a huge great sign. Are you going on your own? I definitely recommend it!

I am sorry for you though. I feel as though I owe you and apology. I, in most ways, was like your H. Not completely though, but in a lot of ways.

Thanks, it means a lot. I wish he could see that he's hurt me. I'm not sure he will ever conceive of of the heartwrenching pain I endured day in and day out because of him not willing to speak a single word to me. It completely broke my spirit in ways a broken heart never has. In fact, I'd take a broken heart over the silence any day.

I feel as though I am sinking fast.

It's funny. We're on the opposite ends of this situation yet I feel EXACTLY the SAME way you do. Sometimes it takes all I can to not go running into the bathroom at work and just crying my eyes out. People talk to me and I feel like I am looking THROUGH them. So, my heart goes out to you 100%. It's an awful feeling when everything you know gets flipped on its head.

Looking back I hate myself for causing my W so much hurt. I did notice that my R needed something. I knew it had to begin with me. I started looking for help 1 yr 4 weeks ago. It has been hard. Lots of up and downs trying to accept things (defects in my behavior & personality). But once I did, it got easier.

You will have to forgive yourself. With time, it will happen. You are not the boogeyman. We all make mistakes and all of us here can admit to contributing to what has led to the seeming demise of our M's. No one person is at fault though. You have apologized to your wife and said you will do anything to make it better and well, what is more honest and beautiful than that? You get to say you are trying, despite all of the odds. You are not giving up, and I commend you for that.