A Choice

[patpat]

Hey Soleil

I read your thread earlier today. You sound like my W without the A.

Thank you for the words of encouragement. Everyone needs to hear those...

Often time, I believe I was more than half the problem. I know I was. I read others threads and it seems that everyones threads that mention something bad that has happened to them from their S's, in some way, I have done to mine.

W said she has thought of going to MC, but not sure if that is what she wants. Right now, I think she just wants the OM. I thought I could deal with this better, but I am finding out that apparently I can not.

I feel as though I am sinking fast.

I am sorry for you though. I feel as though I owe you and apology. I, in most ways, was like your H. Not completely though, but in a lot of ways.

Looking back I hate myself for causing my W so much hurt. She is in the FOG and I feel like the weatherman.

I did notice that my R needed something. I knew it had to begin with me. I started looking for help 1 yr 4 weeks ago. It has been hard. Lots of up and downs trying to accept things (defects in my behavior & personality). But once I did, it got easier.

W problably already in an EA by this time. W shutting down over last 6 months due to years of miscommuniaction between the 2 of us.

She notices all the changes. Tells me, why could you do this years ago. Feels like 2 little 2 late. But I am hanging in there best I can.

I will not drop my W. Not for any reason. I have and always will LOVE her. I don't want to know nothing else.

You know this may seem funny, but if you removed the EA and the PA, the addiction to prescription meds... my W has been the most awesome partner I could have ever hoped for.

I can still see her in 7th grade peering over a music stand to see me blowing on my tuba. She has changed in many ways, but that beautiful little girl is still with her today. I see it.

Thanks for being an ear guys...