Thanks PDT. Danm straight. What I was doing wasn't working, wasn't going to work and I was losing myself in the process. I have made a stand. It now looks like it has worked.
W called. The A is over. She is complying. Time will tell. She talked about her past pains, which are substantial. I listened. One of the biggest mistakes in this marriage has been arrogating myself to assume responsibility for her pain, in the firm, but nieve belief that I could solve these problems for her. I know that this belief has caused me to grow resentments and weaken romantic connectionivity with her. I would never say this out loud, but I came to view her as an insatiable pain in the ass. Anyway. I now know I can't solve her problems. It was a challenge to listen without defending myself, but I tried to validate her feels the best I could. At the end of the conversation, I simply said thanked her for sharing with me.(loving)(It is stuff I have known for a long time, but she needed to know it. It is sort of like an alcoholic being the last person to know that alcohol has caused them some problems.) I added that, while I did not want to make the conversation about me, she needed to know that nothing she said, caused me any pain.(detatchment). Simply put, I have learned there is power in and a need to go home, go up to the bed room, get in her nightstand, pull out the mason jar, and re attach my own nuts.
