Since he has lied to me and about me, I got to the point where I don't know if he even knows how to tell the truth anymore...
That skeeve he is/was sleeping with won't tell me jack - The one and only time I tried to contact her, she took it straight to my H without a word back to me.
I can ask for the answers from Above and right there is where my instinct kicks in...
Because of Him, my gut hasn't been wrong yet and I just know if I start getting that cold wave of ick wash over me (which I did during this phone call), something isn't right, hence the reason I came here and posted before I did anything stupid.
Can someone go by his apt to see what's going on - male friend, BIL, pastor...????
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
My BIL lives in a different state, he cut all ties with any friends/family he had the day he bailed and has never met my Pastor and I am unsure of who his Pastor is.
Maybe I just need to drive there and stake his place out?
Geez my life is becoming a bad episode of Jerry Springer haha
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
I don't think this is a job for you. I wiould try to find a third party to verify. Christmas day will be telling for him.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Not sure if it is pertaining to me, to the OW or just in general...
I seriously need to stay off his FB
Third Day "Tunnel"
I won't pretend to know what you're thinking I can't begin to know what you're going through I won't deny the pain that you're feeling But I'm gonna try and give a little hope to you
Just remember what I've told you There's so much you're living for
There's a light at the end of this tunnel There's a light at the end of this tunnel For you, for you There's a light at the end of this tunnel Shinin' bright at the end of this tunnel For you, for you So keep holdin' on
You've got your disappointments and sorrows You ought to share the weight of that load with me Then you will find that the light of tomorrow Brings a new life for your eyes to see
So remember what I've told you There's so much you're living for
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
He wasn't romantic in the normal sense (ie: chocolates, flowers, jewelry etc...) but he would always find a way to show me he loved me...
Could be a trip to the store at 4am (before I got up) because I was out of coffee (no he doesn't drink it, he just paid attention) or he would bring home dinner after us both working all day...
He would keep the kids so I could have a break...
He would always pay attention if I admired something or said I needed something and then would get it and have of the boys give it to me "just because"...
He always got me the most romantic cards he could find no matter the holiday (except Valentine's Day since I don't like that holiday) and would write fantastic things in them.
He would call me every day just to say hi or see how my day was going or just to say I love you.
He would give me the spot in the garage, no matter the weather even though he normally left after me.
He made me hot cocoa every night.
We never let a day go by without expressing our love whether he was home or away.
We never went to bed angry.
He (mostly) kept up with my very high sex-drive though when he was tired, I understood and never made him feel bad for it.
He always had the laundry done when I would come home on Wednesdays as well as sweeping & mopping of the floors.
He always high-fived me when he walked by if I was on the couch.
He was the best Father, Husband, Friend anyone could have ever asked for and regardless of the inner turmoil I had going on, I still thanked God for him each and every night.
He never made me feel unloved and always went out of his way to show me how much he loved me - By actions, not "stuff".
He has been my best friend for 21 years and I can't help but think he is hurting and trying to reach out however I don't know who he is reaching out to.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Tonight was my night to feed the homeless at Church...
It is raining and icky out however we had quite a few show up....
Once all was dished out and cleaned up, I went into the Sanctuary to pray...
I walked in and it was completely dark, not a sound could be heard...
I left the light off and closed off the door between where I was and the actual Church...
I knelt at the Alter and just went with what has been on my heart, mainly the things Coach has been helping me out with these past few days...
I prayed my Thanks and also my confusion, I asked some questions so I need to wait on the answers, I finished and was utterly calm from deep down in my soul...
I was so calm I could actually feel it moving within me, from the bottom of my feet to the very top of my head...
In that moment I had no fear, no worry, no doubt...Just peace.
I almost skipped out of there I was so joyful, there was no defining moment for my joy other then the calm...
I wish I could bottle that peace up and drink it in when a bad day happens...
I wish everyone could go to their Church and kneel at the Alter and pray in darkness and silence, just you & God.
The silence is just what I needed to "hear" what was being said to me.
(((Hugs))) to you all.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
