A Choice

[patpat]

Hey Cutter

Her family tell me they love me. They do not want this to be happening. But I already know that in the long run, they just want her happiness.

I do not think they will support the A for now. But if we do not reconcile and they remain together, they will. her family is really close and do everything together.

That is/was and (if we do get back together somehow) forever be an issue because I have never been to her family home. Not allowed. (interracial M & all)

W's mother and sister are not talking to W. They told me they are going to stay out of it. W's father and I have never spoken. His oldest daughter was murdered by a black guy when I was dating W in high school. Since then, he hates all black people. I never thought it would have been an issue but I was wrong. I am a bi racial child myself, very light skinned. Everyone tells me I look like Sinbad the comedian.

Also, I have not exposed W's A to hardly anyone. Most of my friends know because they have seen them shopping together. Plus, she and her friend kinda talk about it on facebook, then everyone starts to call me. She changed her facebook page from married to complicated.

I will give them space, and will remain Dark.

W is supposed to come by house today I think. I will try to hide.

[patpat]

Hey S2

I thought is might have been a good sign. My W is addictted to prescribtion meds. One of the prob that led to separation. Constantly arguing over meds missing and W lying about them.
But she does not even look like herself when she takes to many.

She has not been hanging out much at OM's house. She has been staying @ GF's house. She has told a friend that she has been thinking about MC and the slight possibility of coming home, but said she is not there yet, and doesn't know if she wants that. She asked another friend how I was, stating she worries about me because of the up coming holidays.

I hope she does draw closer.... but when she gets mad, she really can hold a grudge.

I do not understand what you mean by "false in-love chemicals" please explain...

You said "A probably will carsh and burn", can you enlighten me on why it could possible do so.

And understood that what I say could poss. come back on me. I have never talked bad about my W to anyone. I have mentioned the A to my pastor, a C, and my own personal close family. Some of my friends know because they are on her facebook or have seen W & OM together. They call and I tell them simply, I do not want to and or feel like talking about it. I also asked that they do not speak of it as well as I am trying to get our relationship on track. I love my W more than the air I breathe. Always have.

You may find it weird, but the A does not bother me as much as the fact that she is not here. That being said, I am sad that the A happened/ still happening, but thats the easy part for me. I am very forgiving. Just getting her back is the prob.... if that makes any sense.

[patpat]

BTW... the W and the med thing... she says I was trying to control her by trying to control her meds....

I was just trying to keep her from OD'ing.. she was taking more sometimes, alot more, than the doc told her too...

[patpat]

Hey guys

I mess up. W walked into house yesterday as I was coming out of another room.

Oh well... I lost it an tried to talk her about R.

Did not go well from there.

[luvless]

P - the WA's always pull the control card. You are just being a good H looking after your wife and her drug abuse - that is not controlling.

It's ok we all mess up and use the R word (I've done it a couple times when I know damn well not to)

If she is wavering on coming home you MUST be working on you. Make her WANT to come home to you. No R talk - don't do it.

[patpat]

Hey Luvless

My W is in this A. I do not know how to bust it. She is in a fog. I do not understand "the false in love chemical reaction she is in. Can anyone explain.

I am very forgiving. I so desire like most to reconcile. I am willing to wait it out. t is just hard. Often times, I am just so hurt and saddened.

I have family around, but they are so negative.

Seem like her friends are all supporting her, and I have no one but you guys here.

Yes, my W says she thinks about coming home, but does not know itf she can ever feel love for me again. Sha said upon leaving ILYBINILWY ... and that hurts.

comments....

[Serenity13]

Hi Pat ~

The false in love chemical reaction she is in. Can anyone explain.

I had a hard time with this as well however Puppy explained it to me as follows...

PEA is a natural amphetamine chemical that occurs when one person is stimulated by another person. That means that when we meet a person that rings our bell and sparks fly- we are stimulated and a natural chemical reaction occurs. Amazingly, this PEA chemical is distributed in our brains much like some illegal drugs are; it causes an elevated stimulation that is experienced as uplifting, and or euphoric.

Although “love chemistry” between two people certainly creates a powerful chemical reaction and provides a great start to any relationship, it guarantees little more then an open door- the rest is up to the people involved. Therefore, whether you are fortunate and experience chemistry with another person or you do not, the hard work and commitment is always necessary to make any relationship happy, healthy and permanent.

The ILYBINILWY statement is awful to hear (been there, done that) however it is just script...99% of the WAS have said that or something along the same lines.

I hope this helps... (((Hugs)))

[TrentC]

My W is in this A. I do not know how to bust it. She is in a fog. I do not understand "the false in love chemical reaction she is in. Can anyone explain.

She is having the same physiological reactions to the affair as she does for being in love with someone. (Which she is, to an extent).

I am very forgiving. I so desire like most to reconcile. I am willing to wait it out. t is just hard. Often times, I am just so hurt and saddened.

DO NOT WAIT IT OUT. Do you really want to sit around and wait while another guy sleeps with your wife?

Unless you set and enforce some boundaries about being involved with someone else, there is nothing that will cause her to end the affair on its own. (Isn't that part of the reason she wants to divorce you?)

I have family around, but they are so negative.

This is one of those times when family will not be as supportive as you might like, unless they are as anti-divorce as you are. They love you and want you to stop hurting; that is not the same thing as supporting you in your decisions.

Seem like her friends are all supporting her, and I have no one but you guys here.

Of course. We're in a world where marriages are seen as disposable; something to walk away from when it becomes too hard or inconvenient to work on.

Yes, my W says she thinks about coming home, but does not know itf she can ever feel love for me again. Sha said upon leaving ILYBINILWY ... and that hurts.

Typical WAS script. I know it doesn't make it hurt any less to hear it, but it's a common response.

Those love chemicals are bubbling in her brain and have her in a fog. She's not supposed to feel the way she feels about this other guy, so maybe she's not in love with you any more.

[patpat]

Thank you S13

It does help and very informative.

I love you guys here... I am learning alot.

[patpat]

Trent

WOW! Thank you.... I will need to work on better boundaries. I only had one. I do not even think it was a good one.

I will not share you with another man. It has to stop if we are ever to work things out. I feel like you are causing damage to our M that either of us do not really want. If you continue with this behavior, I will not want to be around you.

That was my boundary. Since I told her, have not seen her. She just disappeared until yesterday when she stopped by to pick up the bills.

Thanks Trent