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Originally Posted By: IRMAC
Thanks for that info.......didn't know that.....dont know how this crazy system works..but I will keep on top of it.....wish me luck.....our daughter needs so many things and I cant get them all for her......I will call them every week if I have to just to get the ball rolling....I was reading your earlier posts way back when......you sounded not as strong as you do now.......didn't get to read much was working when I looked back then you were asking AmyC lots of questions.....was interesting reading......be blessed today off to work...tgif!!!


Irma, I "get" your signature. But sometimes "standing" for a m ends up being an excuse for "Standing still" and not growing. Not moving forward so when you say you are kneeling and praying, I hope you are also growing. Changing, improving, and moving on in your life. It does not mean giving up. But moving on means doing new things, making PROGRESS in your life. When we are not making progress or growing in some way in our lives, we are therefore, dying. Don't die now honey. Live. Get up, dust yourself off and ask God to guide AND strengthen you to do His will and move forward. What you've been doing has not worked. Fair to say? Let's GAL and do some real 180's...don't focus on the life you want back, b/c it's gone. Focus on what you can create with what you now have and what you can attain/achieve. You're stronger than you know.
(( j ))


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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Nice of you to check in on me.... I do and have gotten a life I think I maybe word stuff wrong but I enjoy my new life w/o my husband....my daughter and I do things together I enjoy having control of the remote now...haha that feels good I can move my furniture whenever and where ever I want....I dont have much money to go out and do things....people inher say to get out and do things but when money is not there it's not there.... so I visit family and friends when I can. I have grown spiritually and confidently no longer as I was a while ago feels good to not have my husband on my mind 24/7 . I am not as bad as I sound in here......I am very proud of myself for how far I have come...thanks for caring though....I did do something the other day I felt that i needed to and i am sure I will get 2/4's from lots of you guys, so I wont tell what I did, but it did bring an a request for forgiveness
for the 1st time he never, he never asked me to forgive him even from the 1st time he did this so I guess that was good ....I feel lighter and better and was the right thing to do on both of our parts...i initiated it but at least he did ask for forgiveness..... maybe will tell later what I did....ttyl and tgif


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Irma,

You sound good. Forgiveness is always a good thing. It helps the healing process.

Quote:
don't focus on the life you want back, b/c it's gone. Focus on what you can create with what you now have and what you can attain/achieve.


This is so important. Being able to look forward at what you can do versus looking back at what is not there anymore. Very wise words from 25. I can't tell you how many times she has gotten frusturated trying to drill that into me.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
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k4, it's a little weird to see you quote me to someone else and admit you ignore the advice I give you, or seem totally unable to do it yourself...yet you come here and tell her to do what you won't...

sorry for the hijack...just seems odd.
j-


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,975
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Quote:
k4, it's a little weird to see you quote me to someone else and admit you ignore the advice I give you, or seem totally unable to do it yourself...yet you come here and tell her to do what you won't...


Because I recognize that your advice is good advice. Me implementing it for myself is lack of discipline on my part. It doesn't mean that it isn't great advice.d And I am encouraging her to follow it because you know what you are talking about.

And I do implement some of it. But I don't do it to the full extent that I should. But I have gotten better about implementing more of it.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 2,549
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Detaching is a process. We can do a little at a time, we all go at our own pace and we need to be forgiving of ourselves when we fail. We have found ourselves under very difficult circumstances.


Me: 46 H:44
Together: 25 years
Married: 20 years
Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07
OW: EA began 2005
PA began end of 2006
3 children,20, 16, 6
ex asked for forgiveness
01/16/11

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I know I am going to get hit with this question .....what exactly is DETACHING........and LETTING GO .....WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE???


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They are basically the same thing. Let go and let God. Detach and let God. Create your life to be the best it can be without your H and let God do the work on your H. You can still love and care about your H and hope he comes back, but don't make your own happiness reliant on whether he does or not. Don't stop your life because he isn't in it right now.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 528
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 528
Thank you.......I thought it was...just wanted to make sure and this time of the year is so hard for all of us.....they old lives we had are gone.....old christmases of long ago come racing in......but we are STILL here,safe and sound and making new memories with our kids while they are off in lala land.....Merry Christmas Kevin


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Thanks IRMAC.

Merry Christmas to you as well. Hopefully we can all get together after the holidays are all over.

Take care,

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
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