AFG, I definitely agree with the others about not telling him anything. Don't dig yourself a hole that you can't climb out of later. Take half the money because it is rightfully yours. Retain the best lawyer you can find and don't mention anything until it is set up. Follow CityGirl's lead because she knows what she's talking about and was successful. That's what we all want for you. Don't put yourself at any disadvantage because you think it will be easier. You may incur your H's anger in the short term and he may draw things out, but hold fast and keep the long term goal in sight. CG went through this crap for 1.5 years but in the end it all went her way.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Made an appt to meet with another lawyer on Wednesday morning. Hope this one is better than last one.
My emotions have been all over the place today. The dam burst so-to-speak. Looks like from the bank account H has been on his way back today. I doubt he'll be here tonight though. And no matter how hard I try to stay angry and think about how traumatized and permanently damaged I am....(biggest sigh in the world)....I still miss him and wish that I could just wake up and this would have all just been a horrendously bad nightmare.
It's been over a week now since I've seen him - that being last Sunday in our kitchen confrontation and then me standing there and watching him walk out the door of our house with OW.
Right now I just wish I could go in the kitchen and start pulling out every single plate, dish, bowl, glass and start SMASHING them all. Just to relieve some of this pressure and tension building inside of me. And then just curl up in a ball and never stop crying.
Ok, so I really am glad he isn't and hopefully won't be here tonight, because I am feeling totally WRECKED and just needed to vent.
Oh and p.s. I also got news today that my mom might have a very serious medical problem and will be dealing with that too for the rest of the week while she gets a biopsy and more tests done. Ain't life grand?
Last edited by aflowergurlie; 12/15/0902:55 AM.
Me-34 XH-33 No Kids We were M-12Y T-15Y 5/09 Same house-separate bedrooms 01/10 I filed for D / H moved out 09/16/10 Divorced
I've followed your thread, and I sympathize with what you're going through.
When my W was flauting her A with OM in front of me, and I had to try to keep things civil for the sake of our three little kids, I found it very useful to go someplace private and let my anger out. Scream, smash things, whatever you have to do. Just get it OUT, and don't stop until you feel it subside. I found that it would come in waves. I'd think it was exhausted, then a few hours later another wave would come. Don't fight it, and don't try to keep it in. Go someplace you feel safe and private, and let it all out. I was shocked when I realized I hadn't had a primal emotional expression like that since I was a young child.
And definitely cry as much as you need, and whenever you need.
Heard H come home this morning. I went in kitchen to make myself some breakfast. H came through kitchen on his way out the door to work. Didn't say a word to me and didn't even make eye contact with me. Just rushed through and had an angry/nervous energy on him. I just stayed calm and collected and went about my business until he left.
Then things got crazy earlier. H called me from the home phone on his lunch and left me a voicemail in which he was pretty much yelling about me taking the money out of "his" account. I called him back and initially, things got very heated. I tried to calm myself down during the convo and he just went on and on about how I'm just a money-grubbing bitch and he knew this is what is going to come down to, I was just waiting to take advantage of the situation and get him for anything I could. If I do it again, my stuff will be out by the street, he's kicking me out of the master bedroom, he wants rent money back from me, he's getting a lawyer for himself and on and on. I told him that I was trying to get this done in the most quickest and least costly manner possible. But if he wanted to keep it up, we'll go down the other road and he'll see just how bad it will get. He wants to play dangerous games, we'll play. In the eyes of the law he has squandered almost $10,000 in the past few months, etc. Then it got to a point where he was just getting even more heated so I said, Ok, I'm done with the conversation and I'm hanging up and hung up.
Few minutes later he calls back and I answer the phone and just say "Are you going to settle down?" H - Continues talking calmly for a while and then took it to a who has done what to whom match after I brought up settlement agreement means going over the division of the assets, debts, physical property, alimony, and any other items, which I started to engage him on, but then quickly realized what was happening and stopped it by just saying Ok, Ok, if that's how you feel, and I'm sorry you feel that way, over and over repeatedly. Finally, I just said "I'm busy and have to go. But, I'm willing to sit down with you and go over the settlement agreement later this week." Then he says "Touch another penny in that account and you'll see what happens." followed with I need you to go to the bank with me to close out the account. I just replied "Find out from the bank what needs to be done and let me know. Bye."
Just got a text from him - "I want to sit down calmly as two adults and figure out exactly what we both realistically are looking for as an outcome for all of this. I also left paperwork on the bar that needs to be signed. Want to sit down with you tmrw."
(The paperwork he is referring to is for an offer on our condo that's for sale.)
Thinking of responding "I would like that as well. I am willing to meet with you tomorrow at home at 7:00pm." ? Or should I put him off longer until I finish putting my settlement offer into writing to give to him when we meet?
Last edited by aflowergurlie; 12/15/0907:07 PM.
Me-34 XH-33 No Kids We were M-12Y T-15Y 5/09 Same house-separate bedrooms 01/10 I filed for D / H moved out 09/16/10 Divorced
Ok - I can have the settlement ready to present him tomorrow - Sent him this text back "I would like to accomplish that as well. I am willing to meet you at home tomorrow at 7:00." Got text back from him right away "Then its set."
Last edited by aflowergurlie; 12/15/0907:28 PM.
Me-34 XH-33 No Kids We were M-12Y T-15Y 5/09 Same house-separate bedrooms 01/10 I filed for D / H moved out 09/16/10 Divorced
Do not do this on your own, and DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING!!
See a lawyer and stop communicating with your h. Let your lawyer do that from now on.
H is obviously still threatening you with ridiculous sh!t. Do not listen to one more word from him. Tell h you are running EVERYTHING past your lawyer.
I agree with Kim - it's not HIS money it's YOURS too you aren't divorced yet. That $10,000 spending will come back to bite him when the judge looks at that.
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
