Pls help--confused and fearful

[Day by Day]

I have my appt with the lawyer tomorrow morning. I'm thinking of filing for temporary financial support.

I also had a visit with my counselor today. Okay, first let me say, I am going to ignore him since he seems to be in this circle behavior. Nasty, nastier, threatening, nice. She said he's going to try every thing to get control over me. We knew that. She said for me to write him to say that if he wants the divorce, he should file, but that I don't want it and think that with counseling we can work on a reconciliation (even if I don't feel it right now.) He should do the filing instead of pressuring me to file. Like someone else said he should do the all the work if he wants it. It's easier to contest it she said. She keeps telling me that she thinks he knows all the damage he's doing and that he's making a mistake, but that he feels stuck in the position he's put himself. Mmm... I have my doubts about that. She said he isn't a sociopath and doesn't have a personality disorder and that when he's alone and quiet he does realize what he's doing. I still think he's an alien!

I'm thinking of writing that message briefly about not wanting a divorce and waiting for the right moment to send it. Later... he needs to stay in suspense.

I need to print out all the emails and I'm going to take photos of the text messages as proof of his intentions to not pay.