My counselor told me pretty much the same thing, but also I need to keep that in mind when dealing with my W. He told me that that is why true recovery takes so long, because once the wayward spouse decides to return to the marriage, they have a TON of chit to deal with and for them to deal with it all at once is just not possible. They have to process it in little bits or else it would be just TOO overwhelming.
That's why it's necessary for us LBS's to not push for too much, too soon. It sucks to be us, but we have to recover at their pace, just as much as our pace.
And I think my marriage is a living testament to that. As we move forward, W is more and more willing to open up and I think it just shows that as time passes and she processes everything, she is able to come to grips with just what this has done to me/us and is better able to handle it.
Hurt like hell? Um...YES. But if you truly want to work it out, it's something we have to deal with. And I can tell you that every day I see/hear my W say/do things that tell me she get's it and even though I'd wished we'd never went through it, our marriage is probably better than it was before, and it wasn't bad prior to the A.
I think you wrote a couple of posts back that you read/heard it will take 3 months (???) for your H to get over OW. Don't hold on to that. I was told by my counselor that many times, the WD from the OP can take as long or longer than the affair lasted. And he was right on the money in my sitch. W's A lasted, at least in her mind, a whole year, and it was almost exactly a year after it ended that I truly started to see my REAL W back. And she told me recently that at about that one year point is when she "woke up" and realized just where she really wanted to be.
Not saying that to discourage you, but to help you realize that if your H still has his moments even after 3 months, don't worry, it's completely normal.
Keep it up. It's a long hard road, but at least for me, it's SO worth it.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
