Rocked: always be positive of course, but the whole getting over OP thing is a moving target, and it's best you accept that. As someone posted in Puppy's (I think) thread, sometimes when my W looked pensively out the window, I do wonder if she is thinking of OM.
Personally, I also find that piecing involves some detaching from detachment . Remember the strong, confident, FABULOUS person you became? Well yeah, technically, you remain that person, and the M is a matter of choice not need. But that person wouldn't necesssarily choose to stay on with a known betrayer perhaps. One's gotta back down a little, open up again. And this is a whole nother thing from the forgiveness angle. Forgiveness is a separate and difficult ourney itself.
Hi Deep, I know there are parts of this I do just have to accept. My H really did believe he was in love with OW. He is grieving. He misses her. That hurts like hell for me, but it is what it is. I can't change that. There is a long road of healing to go.
Deep and Pearl - You have both caused me to remember that the person I worked on becoming through the DB process is much stronger, with much firmer boundaries than the person I was pre-bomb. I have to remember that. We are "piecing" and there are many, many signs of positive progress. I believe my H is sincere in his desire to re-commit and to heal our M as well as himself. But, there are no guarantees and I have learned a new commitment to my own self care and well-being. I will always have the option that I do not need to remain in a M if these things cannot be addressed or if H can't/won't do what needs to be done on his end to have a healthy M.
In the meantime, I am trying to process my hurt/anger/betrayal in bits and pieces. My IC said it is a sign of a psychologicially healthy person when emotions come in "waves" in a crisis like this. She said it is a sign that your brain is helping you integrate the emotional crisis a bit at a time, so that it can be processed slowly and fully. If we tried to deal with all the intense emotion all at once we would fall apart.
so, when the waves hit (which they do, every day, several times a day) if I can, I stop what I am doing and just feel. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I rant. Sometimes I just breathe. But, then I try to release it and move on. Not always successful at it, but getting there.
Grateful to have another C appt. today, it really is helpful for me...
. Remember the strong, confident, FABULOUS person you became? Well yeah, technically, you remain that person, and the M is a matter of choice not need. But that person wouldn't necesssarily choose to stay on with a known betrayer perhaps. One's gotta back down a little, open up again. And this is a whole nother thing from the forgiveness angle. Forgiveness is a separate and difficult ourney itself.
