Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Ironically, I am glad to hear OM is M. It will blow up in their faces much faster that way. (Course, sucks to be his W, and my heart goes out to her)

I agree as well.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

You sound soooooooo much better, SD!

Strength and Honor.

Puppy

[SoldierDad]

Trent,
I have so much emotion right now, I'm really not ready to think that far ahead. My W has made no attempt at anything. I don't think my W will lose face over this, as she has said/done some horrendous things aimed at me.

Complete transparency is obvious, counseling-both IC/MC, Doctors checkup to verify no STD's, etc.

I just can't think that far ahead right now. I do still love her-I know it sounds dumb after everything, but it is still there.

Wether W will submit to my boundaries, and other things to regain my trust, is yet to be seen.

[MichelleLT]

The nice thing about preparing for the worst is that it is rarely as bad as you can imagine.

You are in control of yourself. Always.

And you have every right to be proud of how you are handling this!

[SoldierDad]

Thanks all.

I am having thoughts now that Trent has brought up the reconcile issue. I don't care what people think of me, but many on my post know what is going on.

I think my W is too far gone for anything good to come out of it. I might be wrong, but I just don't see it. She is hard headed and will try to spin this,and I just don't see her even making any sort of effort to reconcile-but I could be wrong.

I have to tell you all, everything you said/wrote, has come to fruition-EVERYTHING.

I am amazed at the things that you all said were happening/going to happen, and that they actually were happening!!!

Well, gotta run, will be back later.

Love to all.

[MichelleLT]

It's how it goes. There is an established cycle to this.

We have all experienced eerily similar WASs. It's like they take lessons or something! Lol.

Focus on you and the boys. Set boundaries with her. If she realizes what she's throwing away and comes back, then you can decide whether you want to work on things.

You may not believe it now, but in about 90% of cases, it is the LBS who gets to decide whether to D or not.

Most of the time, the WAS is "content" (I can't think of a better word, but they are not content about anything in their whole lives usually lol) to let you live in limbo while they spin their wheels and go through their self-destructive phase (I don't think it's conscious, just that they are so wrapped up in their own $h!t that they don't think about the effect they are having on their families, nor do they experience the passage of time like the LBS does). It's our choice oftentimes whether to wait it out or pull the plug.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I have to tell you all, everything you said/wrote, has come to fruition-EVERYTHING.

I am amazed at the things that you all said were happening/going to happen, and that they actually were happening!!!

Hey, just don't try this at home, people. I mean, we ARE trained professionals, y'know.

Puppy

[TrentC]

I just can't think that far ahead right now. I do still love her-I know it sounds dumb after everything, but it is still there.

I know it's early to decide anything. But it's a good idea to at least start thinking about it, so you can plan accordingly. (For example, if you decide you want to give up on the R, that will affect the conversations you have with your lawyer.)

And it's not dumb -- you're talking to a forum full of people who are in much the same boat as you.

Wether W will submit to my boundaries, and other things to regain my trust, is yet to be seen.

It's not about "submitting" to boundaries; that's controlling behavior and unlikely to get you anywhere. It's about her respecting your boundaries; those things that are unacceptable to you in a relationship.

[Coach]

wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

FEAR - false evidence appearing real

[SoldierDad]

Ok, update.

Things just keep on getting worse for my W. W received an open container citation, the night my PI followed her!!!! I have a copy of the citation in my hands, and it will be in my lawyers hands soon.

Also, today was in the PX food court waiting on a friend to have lunch with. I am just looking around-there is my W with her girlfriend eating lunch. As soon as I saw them, I got up and left. But, I did se her talking with a CW2 at her table, so I followed him to the drink dispenser, and got his name just in case. I immediately called my lawyer and told the receptionist what happened-she documented it, in case my W tries anything.

It seems that my W is doing all the work for me!! She is making this too easy-is this the FOG doing it's evil doings???