Make sure you do a follow up call and speak to OMW directly. Try a different time.
I agree. Because trying to discern "Truth" from a predator is a thankless job. It's a little like asking the fox for the schematic to the security system for the henhouse.
He wasn’t going to throw away his 25 year marriage on a 4 month emotional fling with a seemingly unbalanced woman who appears to be obsessed with a "fatal attraction" syndrome.
This makes me curious to know what OM's wife really knows about the situation. I'm with Cutter and PDT; you need to talk to her directly.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Wary is the word. The object is to minimize the damage. Obviously he will not tell someone named Oblivious the truth.
just notes on the subject of getting caught: the other person is always the pursuer the other one was always more emotionally invested they never had sex it was getting too involved and i was trying to break it off i told them it wasnt right what they were doing and they should try and work things out with you it only lasted a couple of months we are no longer communicating or the other one is still trying to contact me and i am trying to avoid them i love my wife(husband) and we are trying to get past this
Originally Posted By: Oblivious
Not sure how to proceed?
santa claus is coming to town in 2 weeks so its best right now to spend more time thinking about christmas than your marital problems maybe buy yourself a corvette for christmas ;-)
If he couldn't tell you the "whole truth" in that phone conversation, there must be a lot of what she's doing. If he's warned you to get your legal affairs in order....then she plans to take you to the cleaners.
However, I still wonder if there wasn't a PA.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Family Christmas party came and went. Very relaxed and uneventful. The night before we stayed up until 3:00 AM and talked a lot. She finally showed some remorse, and out of the blue said “ I don’t know what I was thinking, I’m so sorry” Sorry about what I asked, “The whole stinking mess I made of everything with OM “ she said. She has been very attentive for the most part, and talking a lot about all of the circumstances that led to, and kept her in the EA. She still denies anything physical, but I ‘m skeptical. Know she says she is angry at OM because of his abrupt cease of contact, his deceit, and new found loyalty to his wife that he complained about constantly. Things seemed to be slowly progressing on the road to recovery We have been spending a lot of time together and reconnecting, until I found her souvenirs under our bed that I believed she disposed of. I feel like my hands been forced, and now I have to enforce my initial demand. I feel like I’ve been taking for a schmuck once again. I really believed that she was regaining respect towards me. Any advice would be appreciated. Initially I told her that I would remove all of her belongings along with OM’s if she insisted on keeping souvenirs. Should I follow through, even though she has been showing positive improvements? Or should I give her another chance to get rid of this stuff on her own? Or should I do anything and just wait to see what she does with this stuff?
Oblivious Me / W 47 EA 07/09 to ? PA ? M 13 Years
marriage is the most interesting event of one's life, the foundation of happiness or misery. GEORGE WASHINGTON, May 23, 1785
Should I follow through, even though she has been showing positive improvements? Or should I give her another chance to get rid of this stuff on her own? Or should I do anything and just wait to see what she does with this stuff?
When I was younger, I studied English Lit at a major university, I was particularly interested in Comtemporary Poetry. One evening, I went to a recital of one of today's more popular (renowned) poets and worked up the nerve to walk up and ask afterwards what a particular line in one of his poems meant. He responded with, 'if you have to ask then you are not ready for the answer.'
I would place the souvenirs on the kichen counter. Look her in the eye and tell her, "I don't think I made my point. It's disrespectful for my wife to hold onto these things. I will show you mercy this one time. Either you give them to me to get rid of or you can pack your stuff now. Am I being clear in what your choices are?"
"I have decided where I stand, now it is time for you to decide."
Then say nothing, give her a minute to decide. If she starts talking, defending etc. Just say two words - "Choose now."
If she hands it over then listen, validate and show mercy.
If not you help her pack.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Things are much more logical when you are outside looking in with an objective perspective. My perspective is compromised with emotion, hope and yes…desperation. Sometimes I have a moment of clarity, but it is fleeting, interrupted with another illusion of hope. I am experiencing a journey complete with twists and turns and am unsure of the final destination. I need direction to do what is right, not what feels right.
Oblivious Me / W 47 EA 07/09 to ? PA ? M 13 Years
marriage is the most interesting event of one's life, the foundation of happiness or misery. GEORGE WASHINGTON, May 23, 1785
