Hope is at a low for me right now. Part of the hope I was clinging to was that she was not being honest with her self about her involvemnent with the OM. Turns out, she was not being honest with me. That hope is gone. If anyone has words of encouragement, now would be the time.
Trust what you read here. We've all been there - or nearly there - or seen it before. What a GIFT to have such a resource! And it is possible to come out on the other side of this BETTER than you went in. No one can predict what your W will do and choose. But as for you, Mr. Wonderful, you have direct control of what you do and choose. Do better. Choose better. Be BETTER!
And that is my Encouragement speech for today! May have to read it to myself a few times, too! Cheers ~ Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Never lose hope my friend - Sometimes during this journey, it is all you will have.
I read that you pray...
Now would be a good time to speak to your Father...
Tell him your concerns, worries, fears, doubts etc...
You will feel better once you unload it to Him.
Let His Grace cover you...
Let Him take your worries away.
A verse that may help you right now -
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
The only way to get her back is to follow the advise of Puppy and Steve and others to a T. She is gone, do not hope that she is not. You can hope that you can follow those here and you can hope that she eventually comes around like Puppy and my wife did.
But you have not done the things that are essential to getting her to respect you again, and with that there is no hope.
I am in a similar sitch. I am too straddling the two worlds of saving the marriage and just moving on. Prayer, and forcing a positive attitude work for me. When you start to feel the hoplessness go to a happy place. Put up the STOP sign in your mind and direct your energy elsewhere. You have to force yourself, have discipline. I know easier said than done. Somebody told me just to settle my mind, keep busy. You have to know, that no matter what happens, you will be ok.
Wonderful, if it helps at all, I think your sitch has hope. You stood your ground, your W ended her A and opened up to you emotionally. That's all good. There is going to be a lot of negative energy floating around for quite a while. You need to be a rock. Try not to get triggered by her negativity. I know it's nearly impossible, but try. Be a hero in terms of championing your M, but don't rescue her from her bad choices. Think of her negativity as a test to see if you're as strong as she needs you to be.
When your W opened up she said there's been so much pain in your M. The book "Love Without Hurt" may be good reading for you. It was for me.
My encouragement Wonderful would be to suggest to you that you are ONLY NOW really doing the hard things that have been necessary -- the strong stance.
Give it time. What you were doing, got you to where you got. What you are doing NOW, bring with it hope. Is it a guarantee? Nope. But I guarantee you that what you WERE doing, wasn't working, wasn't GOING to work, and you were losing yourself in the process.
No, this way -- this way brings HOPE, Wonderful. 'Tis the season for that stuff, too.
Trust in Him Who gave His Son to you. He does care for you, and will help you.
Thanks PDT. Danm straight. What I was doing wasn't working, wasn't going to work and I was losing myself in the process. I have made a stand. It now looks like it has worked.
W called. The A is over. She is complying. Time will tell. She talked about her past pains, which are substantial. I listened. One of the biggest mistakes in this marriage has been arrogating myself to assume responsibility for her pain, in the firm, but nieve belief that I could solve these problems for her. I know that this belief has caused me to grow resentments and weaken romantic connectionivity with her. I would never say this out loud, but I came to view her as an insatiable pain in the ass. Anyway. I now know I can't solve her problems. It was a challenge to listen without defending myself, but I tried to validate her feels the best I could. At the end of the conversation, I simply said thanked her for sharing with me.(loving)(It is stuff I have known for a long time, but she needed to know it. It is sort of like an alcoholic being the last person to know that alcohol has caused them some problems.) I added that, while I did not want to make the conversation about me, she needed to know that nothing she said, caused me any pain.(detatchment). Simply put, I have learned there is power in and a need to go home, go up to the bed room, get in her nightstand, pull out the mason jar, and re attach my own nuts.
