Coming up on One-Year of DB'ing...

[S.T. _I Made It!]

I literally LOL'd your last sentence. You're the best. thank you, you are quite awesome yourself

ST - I have not been, even a teeny bit happy, since 12/07.

Also, maybe I'm a little dense here, but I don't understand the point you're trying to make... Are you saying I'm focusing on how awful this is, instead of what good can become? (help!)

okay, then IMHO, this is a big part of why your stuck.

I'm not saying your focusing on how awful this is, but if you want your H to be drawn to you, and for him to come to a conclusion that he wants in your life forever, he needs to see and feel your happy.

think about it. a WAS leaves a LBS because the have hurt and haven't FELT love for them. Either the LBS can show sadness or they can choose to live their life with meaning and with joy. (fyi, happiness does NOT come from your spouse, and that's why people's M's have problems, we expect our spouses to make us happy and that won't happen because we are all sinful humans)

So we have choice A) the sad LBS- or choice B) the joyful LBS

who would the WAS want to go to? obviously they are looking for happiness because they weren't happy and that's why they left, so why would they go to choice A? they won't. The best chance a LBS has is choice B.

But, there is even a choice C) where you are. you are doing all the things to DB and making great choices, but your still carrying around this sadness and so you leave mixed signals.

This, is, imho, the reason why your H hasn't left, but he hasn't committed either.

does this make better sense? I know that you are trying so hard, but with you being honest and saying you have not been happy, this is why I make this conclusion. I'm not saying I was happy all the time, but I truly remember my joy. I know it was all God, and I give glory to him for the speediness of my sitch. Sometimes I wish that it hadn't been that way so I could understand more the hurt that others are going thru like you, and like SMW (who by the way has gone for 2 years now I think?)

anyways, in order to lose part of that sadness is by doing the actions. You are GALing, that is good, and are you truly letting expectations of your H go? are you looking for him to validate your self worth or are you looking to God? Do you love yourself? Do you have faith that the future is bright no matter what happens?

I know you can't just turn a happiness light on, but it's the actions and your faith that will help.

I'm also not saying that if you stay where you are that your M can't be saved, but I do believe that it will prolong your sitch, as you have seen so far.

does this make more sense? I'm not always good at explaining my thoughts!!