The adventure chronicles

[oldtimer]

There is nothing earth shatteringly wrong about an adult staying up all night once in a while.

"Truth be told, I have briefly chatted with this woman maybe 4 times on FB since my wife scared her off. So, it's not really about this OW. It's about control."

This is rather childish, no? If you have no interest in saving your M, why post here? If you are interested in saving your M, then why would you insist on stringing along some woman who is interested in inappropriate chat with a married man in order to hurt your W?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Truth be told, I have briefly chatted with this woman maybe 4 times on FB since my wife scared her off. So, it's not really about this OW. It's about control.

Yep -- BINGO.

That all being said, AFW, I agree with Oldtimer to an extent. You've let this drag on long enough, and it's starting to border on "cruel and unusual punishment." One can be pro-death penalty, and still think it's unconscionable to keep prisoners waiting over 10 years for their sentence to be meted out.

Puppy

[futureunknown]

What do I know, but I agree with oldtimer and Puppy.

If you want to save your M, I think you should go to your wife and compassionately tell her the conditions to do so. MC for the two of you, and maybe IC for her to understand why she did what she did. Tell her truth about the woman on FB. On the flipside though, tell her you want to set the past aside once in a while and just go have fun with her. If you can't go and have fun with someone, why be with them? If you're not interested in having fun with her, well then there's not much more to say.

If you can't get over what happened, and you can't ever trust her again, tell her that, and push forward with the divorce.

Just my 0.02.

[Steve McQueen]

It seems to me, what it really comes down to, is that the two of you are not really made for eachother.

Too much pain, too much hostility, too much unhappiness.

IS this really what you want out of life?

[futureunknown]

Kind of funny to say this, but your W is just terrible at DBing! She should turn off the pressure, get her life together, show you the best of her, and make herself a woman you'd be crazy to walk away from. Not exactly what she's doing, is it?

Still, as people who've been through this, I think we all sympathize with her to some degree. She doesn't have access to the wonderful support and advice here!

[AFWAW]

Do you know she did or do you just know what she told you?

I guess it doesn't really matter. Not wasting a whole lot of brain bytes on this but it seems out of character for her even with everything that has happened.

[AFWAW]

There is nothing earth shatteringly wrong about an adult staying up all night once in a while.

Ok, I'll buy that but then again, she volunteered the info I assume to elicit a certain response out of me. Whatever.

This is rather childish, no? If you have no interest in saving your M, why post here? If you are interested in saving your M, then why would you insist on stringing along some woman who is interested in inappropriate chat with a married man in order to hurt your W?

Is it childish? I haven't strung anyone along. I have asked my wife to go to counseling and given her the opportunity to go on dates with me and she feels like she can dictate how she's going to come home. I guess I wouldn't still be posting here if there wasn't some part of me that wasnt interested in saving my marriage. I haven't been chatting with this woman in an inappropriate manner either. My wife just has that perception even though I've told my wife that we are just friends. And yes, I have been struggling with how to handle this. An no, my goal is not to hurt my wife.

[AFWAW]

It seems to me, what it really comes down to, is that the two of you are not really made for eachother.

Too much pain, too much hostility, too much unhappiness.

IS this really what you want out of life?

Very fine points. I guess I'm still having difficulty pressing forward and hoping that she will make some sort of effort by conceding that she was wrong and trying to make it right.

[Kimmie Lee]

I don't think your w really wants to come home. If she did, she would simply come home!

Once you take the friend of your FB, your W will start jerking you around again.

[AFWAW]

Ok, she called again, told me that if I didn't take the woman of FB she was going to file this time and that she wasn't playing. She also said she was going to stop paying child support until the court ordered her to do so?

At that point I got pissed. I said, ok that's fine, don't pay, you can answer for that one later on too. She said she felt like she was paying too much. Ok, got it. We'll see what the court has to say. She then went on to say that she felt like there wasn't a need right now for her to pay child support. I asked how she figured that one out? She said, well, you haven't had to pay day care these past few months--yep, ok, she's in basketball right now, got it. And, the money's not going into her account--yep you're right I said, it's not. So she asked, where's it going? I said, well, let's see the money goes to pay for her food, clothing and shelter. She said, well, we'll have to see what my lawyer has to say about that. And, btw, she's expensive and always wins. Ok, got it I said. (a veiled threat perhaps?)

So, I said, is that it? She said no, if you take the OW of FB then I won't file but we need to move forward in some sort of fashion. So, I asked her, any other demands? Nope, she said, that's it. I said, so what happens when I take her off? Things will magically get better? Why haven't you signed up for counseling? She said, for us or for me? I said, for you. She replied, that she didn't need counseling, that she's fine now and she knows what the right thing is to do. I asked her why she feels so strongly about this even though there's no way I could have a relationship with this OW based on geographical seperation and the fact that we don't even talk that much. She said she was jealous.

I asked her of what? I'm not dating her and there's no relationship. She said, I just am. I said, so let me get this straight, you are wanting to date other people because you feel alone, you've had sex outside the marriage, had an EA and you're upset because you presume that because you've done these things that I have done them also? I said, well that just isn't the case, that hasn't happened. She said, not that I know of. Ok, I said, goodbye, I'm done talking for now.

So, I'll ask and please be kind, Should I entertain this at all?

I mean, I've told her that I would take her out on dates and asked that she gets counseling but she's refused--it's damn frustrating that she feels like this is her roadblock to start mending our relationship--I honestly don't understand.

Second, should I just go talk to my lawyer and file before she does? I feel threatened a little bit with her lawyer talk and the fact that she's not going to pay child support now?