There are two conflicting tracks of advice here on the boards:
1) Use fear of loss: make the WAS realize they are losing something valuable. go dark. be mysterious. date. pretend to be having an affair.
2) Build a positive R: be exciting. be fun. be open. focus on your spouse. put effort into the R. plan fun evenings together. BE the entertainment. Light up her life.
It is almost impossible to follow both of these at the same time.
If the WAS is in a place where they WANT the M to work, then the 2nd, more positive track can work. If they aren't, however... it is the difference between the spouse being pleasantly surprised and enjoying the effort and creativity that went into it, verses the spouse rolling their eyes and thinking to themselves "My God is this person pursuing pathetically."
I've tried this tact - planning a special evening, etc - and ended up with a W who spent the whole evening trying to avoid it.
Last edited by Thinker; 12/15/0903:25 PM.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
