You just got hit with a wave of anger of the situation, it's normal. You need to get it out - exercise, vent, pray, play with the dog, plan for 2010, make a list of what you are grateful for.
Anger will blind you. Your wife is right in front of you on her own journey. You can handle it.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
