The adventure chronicles

[Gnosis]

I haven't commented on your thread before, but I have been following along. She's testing you and you're holding out. Keep up the good work. You're doing a great job pointing out her own crap and aren't kowtowing to her anymore.

I don't particularly care if you don't like the visitation situation. It can be addressed in court if you so choose.

Call her on her bluff. If she continues rattling her saber, ignore it. Remember all the dirt you've got on her? Well, she hasn't forgotten either.

So, I hung up the phone, counted to 30 and called back.

Excellent! Believe me when I tell you that she respects this.

wife asks if I want to come in. I politely declined

Good move. See? You walked away and she started chasing you.

She said that she did and started to cry

Ahem... the armor has cracked.

I didn't see any mention of your FB friend. I assume that she has either dropped the subject or you didn't feel like rehashing. Remember she threatened that it was over if you didn't? Look where she is today...

asked why she couldn't come home. I told her that I thought that it was over

This is the only "error" I've seen you make. Next time use the words, "It's over. ILYBINILWY" It's time to use WAS-speak on her.

AFWAW you're in a fantastic position. Her fog has cleared slightly. You told her she needs to go to counseling. Let her start doing the work to woo you back. Anything less is a total bust.

All-in-all you did well.

[AFWAW]

so, a quick update for everyone. I did something I probably shouldn't have. I went on a week long cruise with the wife and my daughter over the Thanksgiving week. I turned her down when she asked before but when she asked the last time she said that if I still felt the same way when I got back I could file and wouldn't I come and just enjoy a week in the sun and no pressure, just have a good time? I told her I would think about it and give her a call back later. So, I thought about it and said to myself what's the worst that could happen.

So, the cruise was ok. I spent some quality time with my daughter. She and I were snorkeling off the coast of Costa Maya on Thanksgiving day--rough, huh? The wife was hot and cold the whole week though. I knew that even though she said there would be no pressure that there would be some and I speculated correctly. Every show we went to, she bitched about where we sat but she wanted me to pick where we sat so, one night I asked her where she wanted to sit and she said I don't care so I picked and she said I can't believe it, I don't want to sit here, I can't see and you pick the worst seats and blah, blah, blah. So, I said, listen, I don't have to put up with this bs, you enjoy the show, I'll see you later and got up to leave. She said, oh, you're leaving? Why don't you get lost and stay there? So, I went to the martini bar and made some friends! There were lots of single women on the cruise! I had a great time talking to them. So, I went back to the room about 3 hours later and she was not there. So, I went to bed. About 30 minutes later, she came in and said that she didn't think I'd changed at all and that she wanted a divorce. I said, ok. She said, you there are people out there that actually want to be around me, there's even a guy that said he would marry me. I said, ok, so marry him then. She said, I don't want to, I want to work out my current marriage. I said, it doesn't appear that you do, didn't you just tell me about 1 minute ago that you wanted a divorce? She looked flabbergasted at that point. I said, I'm going to sleep good night and rolled over and went to sleep(oh, in case you were wondering, we had seperated twin beds in the cabin.

So, fast forward to the next night. She's very sweet and askin g if she can come home. And then the next day, she's very condescending and cruel. So, it was very hard for me to believe that she is in fact remorseful or at least it is very hard for me to believe that she wants to work this out. If the roles were reversed, I'm quite sure this type of behavior would not be acceptable from me.

So, what did this week give me? Well, it gave me clarity. Clarity, in that I don't think she's going to change enough to want to really want to make this work. It's almost like she's bipolar or just wants to be in control or something to that effect, I don't know.

Fast forward to today. She had told me yesterday that she was going to pick my daughter up from school to get her hair cut. So, I called her to confirm this afternoon and she said that she couldn't afford it? Wow, ok, no problem I'll pick her up.

So, karma is true it seems. she had her fun and know she is paying the price big time.

[lost1234]

wow, i just went back and read your 1st post...

first and foremost...THANK YOU for your service!

when you first started DB, what did you do? there were a few similarities in situations, just wondering if anything was helpful at all?

me and my h and kids took a vaca last month...it was awesome, however things change everyday with his moods, so i am finding myself here...

thanks

[AFWAW]

when you first started DB, what did you do? there were a few similarities in situations, just wondering if anything was helpful at all?

I did all the wrong things at first. It was when I started listening to Gucci and Puppy that things started to turn. My wife thought I was dating and the jealousy factor was huge. She begged and begged to come home. I've made a lot of mistakes in my DBing though. I've let my emotions rule my actions way too much.

So, the wife called today and asked if again if I was going to let her come home. I said, I don't think so. Why not she says? I said, I don't want to be with with someone who is so angry. She said, you're angry too. I said, maybe so but I didn't leave my family after having an affair. She said, look I screwed up, can't I come home? She asked if I wasnted a divorce and I told her I believed so. She asked, if I was going to get a lawyer. I said I didn't know.

It still doesn't appear that she really cares and that everything is still about her. I don't really see much choice unless I want to subject myself to her temper tantrums for the rest of my life.

[Gnosis]

AFWAW, sorry for the hijack...

Hooper1668 if you're watching this thread, please can you login to DB.com and give this soldier some of your valuable advice.

End hijack

AFWAW, your knowledge would be invaluable too if you haven't been watching.

[AFWAW]

Gnosis,
Done, I've posted in SD's thread and have been following.

My sitch hasn't changed much. My wife is still begging to come home although she doesn't talk to me very often--maybe once a week. I still don't think I want her back but haven't been able to pull the trigger on the divorce yet. I'm not sure why either. I've tried to convince myself that I will be fine without her but if that was the case shouldn't I have filed by now? I do still love her but find myself getting angry when I consider letting her come home. I wouldn't know how to trust her again.

Trying to fill my days with fun stuff. Last night I took my daughter on a 120' boat the Air Force uses to recover drones for the local parade of lights on the water. Had a good time.

[Gnosis]

AFWAW, saw your post on SD's thread.

I hear you on the undecided part. May I suggest you keep her hanging on until you decide? If you feel you're detached enough to do it, meet her as a "touchpoint" every now and again. Lay the ground rules with her first.

E.g.
A: Hi W, I'm going to be in your area in an hour/tomorrow. Let's grab a cup of coffee at XXXX."
W: Sure.
A: Cool. To be honest, I wasn't sure about meeting with you because I don't want you to get the wrong idea.
W: What.. blah blah blah, whatever
A: All I'm saying is that we need to be friends.

Well... I think you get the picture. NO R TALK, no coming home talk. She'll try point it to this, you deflect. "I'm not sure how I feel" or repeat your previous stance...

Guess that's about the best I've got to offer you for now.

[armywifevampi]

Hi im having somewhat something like ur going thro but backwards and ill tell u its hard to be on the dark side .... when my husband don’t or hasn’t called in 5days but ... im here still hoping that he might even if its just to tell me its done... hoping to a waiting call is very hard to do and yes I have begged him to ... but just to see him and see if the feelings I have are still true he’s only been gone almost 6month and im coping.. with the advice ive gotten here and I know we don’t listen sometimes we want to just get up and get it over with and stop hurting... but ive learn that if u don’t mend ur mind and ur self first u will not be clear in what u really want to do .... ive been saying this for 2weeks only to my self im done cant take this no more ignores is the worst u can do to someone ... and that’s what’s being done to me... when u love someone sometimes u get lost in ur own world of emotions and start shutting down cuz u try and try so much and ur other half dose not meat u there... when u find ur self determine in what u want out of this in ur life u will find a peas of mind within u ... till then ... what ever it is that holds u back from saying the words u wish to her.... its not coming out for a reason... have faith and if u do truly love her even if u think that times right know is tuff... don’t give up in what u want and believe in ur hart to be true but lost... all I can do is tell u how I feel from this side when this happened and still is happening to me I cant advice anything thing cuz I need help my self tiring to cope with him doing that as well... its hard I can say very, very more than anyone can imagine... but I guess we sometimes have to have tuff love alone the way.. sorry did not mean to intrude im here if u need to talk to... bye and good luck

[AFWAW]

Yeah, I tried this yesterday. She actually called me and started on about the OW on facebook again and was crying and said she was going to start dating because someone at work asked if they could set her up with a friend. I said, ok, go ahead, I don't know why you're telling me know, you did what you wanted to before without telling me. Have a good time. She said, no, I don't want to but I'm tired of being alone. I then asked her what she wanted. She said, she wanted to come home and to be my wife. I told her I didn't see any move on her part to make this happen by the way she was acting. She then started flipping everything around to what I've done. I listened and then told her that if she wanted to we could go out to lunch on Thursday. She said, only if I took that OW off facebook. I asked her how that would change things? She said she didn't know but that we were not going to happen unless that happened. I said, Ok, I guess I'll talk to you later.

She called back about an hour later in tears and said I haven't gotten a friend request on FB. Is the OW still on there? I said yes. She said, you must love her very much. At this point, I hung up.

Truth be told, I have briefly chatted with this woman maybe 4 times on FB since my wife scared her off. So, it's not really about this OW. It's about control.

Another thing, my wife told me that she stayed out till 830 in the morning the night of her Christmas party. I didn't ask, but WTF? Is this the kind of behavior that is acceptable? What kind of role model is she being for my daughter?

[P17]

Another thing, my wife told me that she stayed out till 830 in the morning the night of her Christmas party.

Do you know she did or do you just know what she told you?