here we go again

[Jstar]

i'm laughing now. worried, no clue. in my heart i hope he is worried he should be, if he could admit it that would be great, might be his first time sharing feelings other then anger.

i'm not going to send it now and i've revised it and will wait to see how i feel later tomorrow and if he does show up, i will have contact the police. it would not be good for our d2 for him to be coming and going as he pleases.

i'm sure guilt is playing so role in it, but not guilty enough to stand up and be a man or responsible father.

why couldn't he just say he's worried? that would be simple.

i can't help but read into his msg that there is no hope. i know it's terrible and look now how this has consumed me for the evening.

no he doesn't really give a crap about me. i guage it on what he does, he could come over and help with taking care of pets, empty cat box, set up son's room, help around the house, but nah he doesn't give a crap nor is he worried. just like i never believed he loved me, or more then himself.