Pls help--confused and fearful

[Day by Day]

I'm going to try to wait it out. I do think he will withhold the money. I wonder how much it would hurt him in court? If it really does look so bad? I don't think he is posturing about the taxes since he is leaving me the payment slip on Saturday he said.

I am surprised at how much he has been contacting me (nastily). The kids spoke with him before he sent those emails and they said he sounded like "old" daddy (not alien daddy). I guess his guilt made him spin.

Thankfully I have you all on this board to come to for support. I'm trying sooooooo hard not to respond to defend myself.

[newmama]

Yay for June!! I'm glad you have other support now, DBD!

Is the house in both of your names? If so, then by not paying property taxes, he is screwing himself, too. Also, I am sooo not financially savvy but I thought I heard of cases where you can ask for an extension to pay the taxes. Hmmm...if the house is in both of your names, then you could look into this, he wouldn't know, and you would be able to not face a penalty!

Keep doing 180 of what he would expect you to do!

[Day by Day]

Yes, the house is in both our names. It's totally crazy what he's thinking.

I got yet ANOTHER email titled my sincere wish. Here it is:

I hope you find peace in your life and happiness in your heart. I know that inside you there is the smart and noble woman I met 20 years ago. Remember, always thrive for improvement in your life. Do not let people who have nothing but hate inside them guide you. Keep good friends around. People from whom you can learn and grow. People you admire. Focus on building a good life for yourself instead of trying to sabotage others. All the best, WAH

This sounds to me like someone else wrote it (OW?). This isn't his style of writing.

Rollercoaster... I know that NC is for my protection, but it seems to have an effect on WAH. Guess he slept on it and had to write it first thing this morning. He sees that nastiness won't get me to answer. Still he's an arrogant and condesending jerk.

I do want to answer about the sabotaging. Who knows what that crazy OW's ex is doing and saying. WAH thinks we are the best of friends. Not true.

Any advice here?

[P17]

I hope you find peace in your life and happiness in your heart. I know that inside you there is the smart and noble woman I met 20 years ago. Remember, always thrive for improvement in your life. Do not let people who have nothing but hate inside them guide you. Keep good friends around. People from whom you can learn and grow. People you admire. Focus on building a good life for yourself instead of trying to sabotage others. All the best, WAH

This sounds to me like someone else wrote it (OW?). This isn't his style of writing.

That's one of those chain mail letters or something he saw on a website.

He really is desperate to get you to reply. Don't reply. Ignore it.

I do want to answer about the sabotaging. Who knows what that crazy OW's ex is doing and saying. WAH thinks we are the best of friends. Not true.
Any advice here?

Yes, ignore him. Don't answer it. He knows the sabotaging bit will rattle you and get you to reply. Do a 180 as newmama says and ignore it. My W, in her last (in fact only email as she has gone dark now too :)) did the same thing - they say those trigger keywords they know will get a reaction out of you.

Everything he puts in his emails or that you 'hear' is designed for one thing and one thing only - to get you to react. Don't. Ignore him.

Remember it will get worse, a lot worse, before it gets better.

[newmama]

Daybyday, You have to ignore it! Please do the right thing!

[june72]

Ignore him like the bratty little three year old tantruming on the floor like he is acting like. If you cave now and respond to his antics he's wins back power.

Think of it this way. Ignoring him actually the best way to ruffle his feathers. He can't spin tales of how horrible you are and bother him so. You have left him completely alone. Now who does he have to blame and project onto?

[Day by Day]

I have my appt with the lawyer tomorrow morning. I'm thinking of filing for temporary financial support.

I also had a visit with my counselor today. Okay, first let me say, I am going to ignore him since he seems to be in this circle behavior. Nasty, nastier, threatening, nice. She said he's going to try every thing to get control over me. We knew that. She said for me to write him to say that if he wants the divorce, he should file, but that I don't want it and think that with counseling we can work on a reconciliation (even if I don't feel it right now.) He should do the filing instead of pressuring me to file. Like someone else said he should do the all the work if he wants it. It's easier to contest it she said. She keeps telling me that she thinks he knows all the damage he's doing and that he's making a mistake, but that he feels stuck in the position he's put himself. Mmm... I have my doubts about that. She said he isn't a sociopath and doesn't have a personality disorder and that when he's alone and quiet he does realize what he's doing. I still think he's an alien!

I'm thinking of writing that message briefly about not wanting a divorce and waiting for the right moment to send it. Later... he needs to stay in suspense.

I need to print out all the emails and I'm going to take photos of the text messages as proof of his intentions to not pay.

[chatterbug]

Another positive thing about ignoring.

OP and WA will talk about you. How your being horrible and not helping them in fantasy adultry land. The script falls apart as now they have to start actually working on the issues and problems that they created. Which right now will be spite , hate , anger , and confusion.

Just remember Spite , hate , anger , confusion = GOOD

Better to have them focused on you instead of having a grand old time and just thinking about each other.

Each time you stand up to ADULTREY is a win. Keep working on winning the skirmishes. This is one of those moments. Do not give them any answer that is less than silence. For your silence will speak volumes to your husband. And no doubt she will push and push him.

Also remember the 4th party in all this. Lets hope he found his nuts. So they can spread the hate around alittle bit.

I am sorry I do not know your stitch as I have been concentrating on just 2 or 3 stitches. But I am going to read up tonight and expand this to 4.



"The good times are killing me. Here we go!

Got dirt, got air, got water and I know you can carry on.
Shrug off shortsighted false excitement and oh what can I say?
Have one, have twenty more "one mores" and oh it does not relent.

The good times are killing me.

Kick butt buzz-cut dickheads who didn't like what I said.
The good times are killing me. Jaws clenched tight we talked all night, oh but what the hell did we say?
The good times are killing me. The good times are killing me. The good times are killing me. "

[Day by Day]

Got it. Zipped lips. And no response to emails or TMs.

Thanks cutterbug for following my thread! I appreciate your input!

[P17]

Got it. Zipped lips. And no response to emails or TMs.

Just hang on a little though ... the fireworks are about to start ... be prepared for some really nasty nasty stuff. But always remember, the nastier it is the more hopeless and out of control he feels.

Enjoy the show.