Just got back in. The missus is sleeping... or pretending to... who knows. I'm not paying attention. Can't afford to right now.
I keep telling people to "conquer your fear" and I'm doing my share. It's NOT easy. Am I nervous? Heck, I'm busy crappin' myself... so I guess it must be the right. Jokes aside, this is taking a lot out of me. Its a big risk I'm running, but if the payoff comes through its worth it. If not, then I'm free from limbo with a fresh start for a new life. I'm hoping option 1 pans out.
On Thursday when all this was going down my mp3 player started playing this song: Galvanize (not my theme song). The following lyrics struck a chord with me:
Dont hold back... If you think about it too much, you may stumble, trip up, fall on your face... Don't hold back... You think its time you get up, crunch time, like a sit up, come on keep pace... Don't hold back... Put apprehension on the back burner, let it sit, dont even get it lit... Don't hold back...
My going out on Thursday night was not malicious. It did yield a temperature check on W, but the results were inconclusive. Last night she decided to continue playing the game. I've always liked this part at the end of the song:
World, the time has come to... Push the button... World, my finger, is on the button... My finger, is on the button... My finger, is on the button... Push the button...
So, I summoned the courage and pushed the button to get the ball rolling. I have my own script to follow: Part WAS, part jealousy, part diabolical and part angelic. All of it a battle on the mind. There is a good ending either way, but if it ends with reconciliation I'm documenting everything and keeping receipts to prove my innocence.
Standing there alone the ship is waiting all systems are go are you sure? control is not convinced but the computer has the evidence "no need to abort" the countdown starts
Afternoon Task: Dress smart and visit estate agencies. Select two estate agents to show me houses on the market. Evening task: Be away from nine until at least midnight. Send the message I'm building a social life. Got dressed in black trousers and casual dress shirt and went to see a Christmas carols show.
Purpose: a) To keep me out of the house without making use of the single "family car." b) Send message that I can get around just fine. c) Create mystery d) Confidential
