At a loss about my sitch - Need advice and support

[BeginningAgain]

Sportsfan,

Take is easy on trying to read into every single thing your H is doing. I think you might be making some assumptions that may be far off the mark. Are you currently in IC? If not I think you should seriously think about setting that up so that you have someone you can talk to about your current situation.

How do you know he only registered it in his name and that it is under your address? Did he tell you, did documentation come to the house, ect???

S4H

[sportsfan]

Thanks for your reply. I have access to the records online. Therefore, I know for a fact he only registered it in his name. I used to go to IC, but I haven't been for a long time as I didn't need it anymore. I have close people to talk to, but they haven't personally had to deal with issues like those of us on this board. Therefore, I turned to you all. I am reeling right now. I asked him to call me, which he will do by 3:15 this afternoon.

[BeginningAgain]

Well when you talk to him, keep your emotions in check. You'll push him farther away if you lose it with him and start crying, pleading and begging.

It seems to me that you are jumping to the worst conclusion in everything he does. Maybe there it was a mistake by the DMV and it should have been in your name as well. If he purposely left your name off it because he wants a divorce then why keep the your home address.

I think it would be really good for you to start the IC again. You said yourself you are "reeling right now". This is a hard road you are on and you will need all the help you can get.

S4H

[sandycay]

Hi SF

Don't break down... it would be why he hid it from you because he knew you would. So 180 time.

That's why he went quiet.

Don't ask him about... in the grand scheme of things.. it doesn't really matter a car registration does not equal dissolving a marriage. So why bother stirring the pot about it.

Let it go.

[Virtually_Handsome]

Don't make a big thing over the car registration. It doesn't mean anything. For years and years before we had any thought that our M was ending we had cars registered in either name or both. Usually it just depended on what was easier at the time. And at least here, the name on the registration doesn't mean a thing as far as who it belongs to, if it comes to that. Let it go!

[sportsfan]

He called me. I told him that I wanted to give him some great news about my upcoming surgery. He sounds VERY down. As if he is depressed. I remained upbeat in our conversation, which lasted only a few minutes and I was the one who ended it.

I casually asked him about (I know - I couldn't help it) his car. He said they were processing the registration without my name and he didn't want to stop the process so just let it go through. He was at least honest about not putting my name on it. He did mention that it had my address on it. I did not tell him that I looked it up.

He just said he is tired. I told him I could get someone else or I could try to clean out the gutters, but he said he would still do it tomorrow. I told him I missed getting texts from him in the a.m. He said it was only this morning that he didn't. I let that go. I get the feeling something is up, but I don't know what. He internalizes everything and he is working on not doing that anymore. I guess I'll wait and see what happens tomorrow. I think he is nursing a broken heart regarding OW#2.

DB'ing is so hard. Does anyone have any tips on how to cope? Thanks in advance and I appreciate all the responses. I really do.

[sportsfan]

Hi again. Due to my insurance, I can't schedule an appointment with my counselor until after January 1. I need support and feedback from everyone here. Things had been going well lately or so I thought. I had my surgery and H was supportive and more upbeat, doing things for me since I had to take it easy, and said it sounded good to start dating once a week to try to reconnect emotionally.

Yesterday my world was blown apart again. I was digging through his old files trying to find a document and came across a love letter he wrote to his former co-worker. He was laid off from that company three years ago. I called and asked if there were others than the two I know about and he said no. I then said who is "so-and-so"? He said she was a friend from work. I replied she obviously was more than a friend and that I found the letter. He said they were involved four or five years ago. This was before the first OW. He professed his undying love to her even though they had to say goodbye. I asked if he still loved her and he said no. I'm sure this is true because he is currently in love with the latest OW.

We talked and he said he doesn't love me and he doesn't know why. Later in the conversation he said he did love me. He also said he doesn't know what he wants, so is obviously all over the place. H mentioned his emotional needs weren't/aren't being met and I told him I can't read his mind. My needs were/are not being met, either. At least I turned to the marriage. He ran away. He has figured out through counseling why he has had all the affairs. I told him that now that he knows why, he needs to work on solutions. He said he will talk with his counselor about it this week, but who knows. I mentioned he should read DB, which is one of the books he has.

I texted him that I had one last tidbit for him. Just waiting for loving feelings to return never works. It takes actions. Love is a verb. He responded, "Understand...". I am at a loss as to what to do. I have kept the R texts to a minimum and I will completely cut them out now. Other than that, I was doing okay with the DB'ing. Is it time to implement the last resort technique (I know the risk involved in that from DB and DR)? Go dark? Go dim? I am definitely GAL, but with the holidays around the corner all I want to do is hide after this latest discovery. Your thoughts are appreciated.

[sportsfan]

Anyone? Please? If I continue status quo that will be reacting differently than I used to. But won't he feel there are no consequences for his actions? I am lost.

[Virtually_Handsome]

Well, 'fan, I have not read all of your posts, perhaps I will this evening.

Sooooooo, what do you want? Not what do you think people want you to want, what do you really want?

[sportsfan]

I really want to repair this M. We are working on our individual issues, but I want to work out a plan with him and his counselor to eventually reconnect emotionally and physically. I'm tired of being in limbo.