I'm glad you've found divorcebusting....and I'm glad you've been getting some really good advice.
I do not agree with the full 'man up' advice. But...I agree that you need to not let her feel SO sure of you. Change it up. Don't say ILY for awhile. Not never. Not holding a firm boundary that she can't see someone else .... you're not married. It won't work. It depends at what stage she is with him and what stage she is with you. You want a foot in the door. And a foot out....you need some boundaries....not so firm you're going to lose. If you're always one down, you're walked on; if you're always one up, you can't build a relationship.
Your instincts are right... build the relationship slowly. Think about the things that were wrong and how they were created in your relationship...the things you did and the things you said. NOT psychological hangups. You won't get anywhere delving into that.
I am not a fan of counseling...BUT....There would be value in the two of you getting counseling at the point you decided to make it work.....to learn to change your interactions. One of the coaches might even be a good idea, too.
If you wait til she dumps him and chases you, you will not have the right relationship. That isn't terrible advice for a man who is married and his wife is cheating. It isn't always wonderful advice then either. But you're past that now. Be her friend, not a doormat......and very slowly rebuild the romance. Kindness yes. Doormat no.
I'm excited that Sandi is giving you advice. She knows whereof she speaks. She's wise, and her advice will help you win.
Last edited by sgctxok; 12/15/0901:12 AM.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
