Not Me...Ever part 2

[rockedworld]

Serenity that is one of my favorite songs! I have listened to it over and over since my sitch started. Thanks for sharing it. Such an encouragement!

[luvless]

Wow rocked - we are both married 19 with teens (i have 2S too and 1D) You got the bomb and hoping not to hear one but looks like it may be coming soon. This just plain sucks we have to go through this.

[Serenity13]

Puppy, Coach, Trent, Gardener, anyone...Some help please...

Here is something new...

I went to pick up my little one from school and as I was waiting, I received a phone call from my MIL...

She let me know that my BIL had heard from H as recent as last week.

BIL asked him how we all were doing and H implied that we are all just fine together as one big happy family...

No mention that we are S, no mention of the OW etc...

Seriously is he really that fogged out?

BIL does indeed know to an extent what is going on because well I am a firm believer in exposure and I did indeed hope that by exposing his affair, it would end (no such luck).

So they emailed back and forth for a few and H then contacted my SIL (she knows as well) and made some mention of OW's mother moving here (to the town they live in) and that him and OW (who moved in with her Mom) were no longer together - At least that is the impression she got...

So my quandry...

Of course I want them broken up beyond any repair...

If they are indeed no longer together, why didn't he come home?

Do I reach out to him, not letting him know I know but just to let him know I am still here?

Wouldn't that be pursuing?

Is he to be believed at this point?

To be honest my gut says no...

I feel he is still blowing smoke up whoever's butt will listen to him and he has that "good guy" complex which won't allow him to be seen as being the one who bailed without a glance back.

Do I believe him or do I trust my instincts?

[Serenity13]

(((Rocked)))

I have listened to it all day...Never has a song ment more to me then this one.

[Coach]

Do I believe him or do I trust my instincts?

How about getting the truth? Verify what is going on for real. Answers will start to appear.

"ASK" - Ask, seek and knock.

[Serenity13]

Thanks for coming Coach -

That is just it...

Since he has lied to me and about me, I got to the point where I don't know if he even knows how to tell the truth anymore...

That skeeve he is/was sleeping with won't tell me jack - The one and only time I tried to contact her, she took it straight to my H without a word back to me.

I can ask for the answers from Above and right there is where my instinct kicks in...

Because of Him, my gut hasn't been wrong yet and I just know if I start getting that cold wave of ick wash over me (which I did during this phone call), something isn't right, hence the reason I came here and posted before I did anything stupid.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

(((Trent)))

I was just listening to the following song and then saw this post from you leading me to the prayer circle -

I dare anyone to tell me He doesn't send people to you at just the exact moment you need it -

Thank you my friend


Casting Crowns
"Praise You In This Storm"

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

That song was one of the four or five that really got me thru my sitch in the Summer of 2007. I LOVE that song!!!!

Puppy

[Serenity13]

All day Puppy

I have just kept hitting play over on youtube lol...

I need to add it to my play list now

[rockedworld]

You know (((Serenity))),
I learned that my "gut" was rarely wrong throughout my sitch, and still now. But, do take the time to try to verify whatever you can.
In the meantime, find your little pockets of peace in the storm and hang on for dear life. You are amazing! I think of you often and the strength you have shown again and again....

[Serenity13]

((((Rocked))))

Thank you for your kind words...

I will verify as I can but I don't want to outright ask him because quite frankly I don't know if I believe him or if he is just saying whatever to ease his own guilt.

I hear he has been putting out feelers to his family about going there for Christmas because he will be alone...

I wish he would realize it is his choice to be alone...

He knows he has a family that loves him and misses him very, very much and no matter what has happened, I would never want him be alone at Christmas.


Journaling~

Last night I had a great night...

I went to a dinner for the ladies at Church and while I was initially torn about going (because of my little one and how clingy he has become), I decided I needed to do this for myself and I am so glad I went.

Fellowship, food, gift exchanging, laughs all around and wonderful friends.

I have not been that relaxed since H left...

I spent about 3 hours just enjoying myself with no worries.

I checked on the boys before I went in and then promptly left my cares at the door.

I didn't let any portion of my situation cross my mind the whole time I was there and now I realize how much I needed that break...

I awoke this morning in a wonderful peaceful mood...

My little one was in a foul mood (I didn't get home before he went to bed) but I didn't allow it to affect my mood and he ended up being in a better mood by the time we went to school.

I spent a good amount of time in prayer last night and my feelings have been once again eased.

I "know" all will be just fine - That is the feeling I have today.