Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

Here's another twist to it. Way back at the beginning of this -- about a month into me being moved out, she told me to stop "clinging" to her and to "just move on."

So I joined Match.com. I've sent a few emails and corresponded a little. The fact I'm still married hurts me -- but the fact is the longer I've been out the more I want to work things out with W.

People keep asking me why and I look back at the positive things of the M and then look at the bad things and wonder, now that I've taken relationship classes and realize what I was doing wrong, if we could handle those better.

I just so want a second chance to put what I've learned into use.

Anyway, I went back in to look at my profile and yanked down the photos so that she doesn't come across my pictures.

You know, the more I think about it, the more everything I'm doing is coming back to haunt me.

Another thing I'm realizing is that I don't have the strength that you guys dealing with OPs have.

I know Dottie (DB counselor) would say, act "as if" this will all work out. I'm struggling with that today.

I feel like I should at least make a small effort -- perhaps after the Christmas holidays so she knows it's not holiday loneliness and genuine.

If I'm rebuffed again, then file. I'm not sure I can make it in limboland.