Puppy, wouldn't this be giving in to his actions? I would be reacting the way he would want me to...isn't it? Have you used the "not very attractive" comment before? Has it worked? I feel my H would reply with something like "I don't care if I'm attractive to you.." ....then what.
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
Puppy, wouldn't this be giving in to his actions? I would be reacting the way he would want me to...isn't it? Have you used the "not very attractive" comment before? Has it worked? I feel my H would reply with something like "I don't care if I'm attractive to you.." ....then what.
It's one of the best put-downs I have ever heard
It will work, trust me. Trust PDT.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
I feel my H would reply with something like "I don't care if I'm attractive to you.." ....then what.
The unattractive comment is pretty potent. If you want, try "Geez, don't be an ass. It's very unappealing."
If he reacted the way you said, that'd be pretty telling. I mean, seriously, if he doesn't care if his WIFE thinks he's attractive or appealing, why the heck is he there?
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
"Where did you get that awful hat from? It does not suit you at all..."
"It's a gift to me. I rather like the way I look and feel in it."
Spin on your heels and exit.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I've recently tried this approach w/my H, and BRITT, IT WORKS!
I haven't told him it's unattractive, but, trust, me, THAT IS NEXT! But, I have called him on it, where before I would almost ignore it. I have about five examples on my thread w/in the last month or so.
I like it.
Once he did it in front of my BFF, and SHE got involved!
He said something about my new sunglasses looking like Elvis. I told him... "Dude, you're obviously blind, or something to that affect." (Trying to be funny.) Then, I gave him a SEARING look, and raised my eyebrows at him, then stared him down. He started to say something about me not liking that he didn't compliment me, and the BFF says, "H, you are SO high maintenance. BFF is a f'n saint if this is a daily occurrence! Glad I haven't seen this side of you before."
My solution is to call him on it. They come fewer and farther between.
Good luck w/that Britt.
It's NOT about that awesome hat (I just got one, too!)! It's about getting out some of that poison that's trapped in. Well, sheesh, do that at the gym, or to someone else.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Coach, so not in so many words. I kind of took your approach. I feel good now. I smiled, "Thanks!." When he commented again, I said "I actually really like it!"
He didn't say much after that.
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
