Went to second MC. H says he doesn't trust me when I say I'll change. Typical, right? He pulls out that I said a really hurtful joke last week and showed no sign of backpedelling or remorse. I told him I was up half the night feeling awful about it. H says he doesn't believe me b/c I didn't show it. I said I could show him my journal entries - he said he "doesn't care." UGH> So I make all these changes, and this one thing "proves" I'm not caring about changing? Yes, they are watching. (With a vengance!)
Also told me his friend saw my profile on a dating website. I did try to move on with my life this summer when H was not interested in MC, had moved out, refused to talk to me. At that point he wasn't talking D, so I shouldn't have given up. This was pre-DB. So I told him exactly that. The MC is my IC too and he confirmed that I told him about this over the summer - it was only for a couple of weeks. I also said that I took it for granted that my H hadn't completely given up and I should have respected that more and not tried to date. Again, H said he is confused at best and doesn't believe me basically. However, at the end of the session, he admitted he has seen some changes (and he just doesn't know if it's enough). He also admitted that when he says global statements like "it shows you don't care and aren't changing" it is hurtful to me and that it's part of his pessimism. WOW>
Rebuilding trust may take a lifetime. At least we are talking now! He never told me this - but it makes sense that it was the time my H started talking D.
He also saw my divorcebusting following on twitter. Somehow this is a bad thing??? Anyhow, all removed.
How to show H that changes will stick....advice people?
And, I brought up that he has also said insensitive "jokes" he has not apologized for. Jabs. I told him we were both guilty of it. Then I listened and validated and said I understand how he would feel I just didn't care at all if I didn't apologize at the time for my hurtful joke.
