Real life friends: my bgf, the one that came to my rescue the day I found the emails and the one H called the next and cried and apologised called him.
She told him "I've told you before that I am looking for Maria's best interests and I dont give a chit about you, so, give me now the scoop so that I know how to help her out as a friend, I am not emotionally attached, I can handle the truth, what's going on?"
And he...spoke to her!! For 45 minutes. He said he feels no matter what he does or doesnt do, he feels he is screwed. He said he spent 4 days to find the purse for me and another 2 thinking about our anniversary and didnt do anything and obviously screwed up both times (since I told him "I dont need expensive purses, I need things from the heart".
He said I call him, he sees my number on the screen and his stomach gets in knotes (spelling?) He said "Maria maybe calling just to say Goodmorning and until I hear her tone, my legs become jelly".
He said he is avoiding sex cause he knows I will have flahsbacks and he cant handle that. Actually he said he is afraid that if no matter how he approaches me to soothe me I will push him away and we will end up bitter and disappointed.
He said he 100% committed to me, head and heart. He said I am the only one in his mind, I am good for him, I make him a better person, he has no doubts what so ever. He said he loves me with all his heart but he feels like walking in a minefield.
He called himself a wuss and an malaka and that he doesnt know which way is up. He said he is been thinking about things all the time he is awake and he knows a lot of his blockage is due to enormous guilt.
He said he cant even direct a conversation. He wants to say things to me and when he sees me wander and get dark, instead of manning up and leading me out of "it", he chickens out worried that whatever he will say will make it worse.
He said, he needs to do something with time/jobs. He cant postpone that anymore.
He said he wont sent the NC email to her because that will be a contact letter. They have no contact since the email he deleted and never responded to and he wants to have nothing with her,not even a hello.
He asked for her advice and she told him to be consistent. To find time and take it easy by not letting time by without connecting to me. He said he has so much to tell me and cant even lead a convo.
He said he is scared of the fights. He doenst want to fight with me. He hates that. He said that is his number one motive of acting the way he is. Trying to avoid the fights. He prefers to stay low. She told him to lead the things in ways that fights are avoided. Not avoid our life together to avoid fights.
He said he is scared of me and my reactions (I swear I havent touched him and I am not THAT big!!)
She asked him what now? He said he doenst want Christmas time to pass like this. That it is a pitty for both of us.
She told him many things I cant explain in English. They both agreed that my moodiness drives both of them crazy but she noted that he should realise it is understandable. He said it is.
My GF called and said she believes him and if this is the man I want then I should accept him being a wuss, at least for now and chill. K
