Sunny, I struggle with myself a lot about this. I can see it so I am sure he does as well. I've been reading posts from Gucci etc about detaching and several times I wanted to add that the hardest part of deatching is when you are getting closer with your WAS. When your dbing or however you call it does work and suddenly they do want back or thinking about it. For me it is even harder because during the week I have no way of showing him how great I am ( ) and by the time we get together, I am too frustrated to be a happy, confident woman that he would be attracted to. I am falling back to nagging -not exactly but close enough- patterns. I think that scares him. The possibility of me being the same bitter woman scares him. He is worried he cant pull it thru if I am like that. So, he is flip floping and then...I am flip floping as well... A mess.
I am not just sitting around mopping (Hi Jeff, remember?). I am pondering what was different when H didnt want to go to leave us and go to work, found excuses to delay and stay with us, was calling me to tell me he wished he was home with me...
Our home was then warm and fuzzy and he felt great because he was such a good help to me with the 2 babies and a great dad, that I was constantly commenting on how unbelievably supportive he was. That resulted to intimacy and connection. It is a cycle really... Pretty standard situation according to everything I ever read.
Now, I am walking on eggshells, not because of him, one day I want him, depending on his actions/mood, the next I am afraid he is BSiting me and I pull back. We each feed each other's insecurities and that alone is the way to the great D. I can recognise it, I see it when I contribute to it but I still havent found a way to stop it from my side. And knowing H and his character, if I could manage to keep focused and at least act confident in him and us (not trusting-confident) it would probably help him immensely to do what I want him to. With no pressure.
Do I make any sense?
An example: Progressively the last 2 months I've lost interest in my looks. I take care of myself but not as a "female". My... vanity is gone. I go to work and dont give a chit how I look. Dont get me wrong, I look ok, but even my bad hair days have multiplied lately...
I am running around scared that this is another meaningless attempt. Fear is a horrible advocate, I can tell you that! And you know how it goes from there... K
) and by the time we get together, I am too frustrated to be a happy, confident woman that he would be attracted to. I am falling back to nagging -not exactly but close enough- patterns. I think that scares him. The possibility of me being the same bitter woman scares him. He is worried he cant pull it thru if I am like that. So, he is flip floping and then...I am flip floping as well... A mess.
