SSMGuy, you asked whether it would be harder to get over a physical or an emotional affair. I always ASSUMED that a physical affair would be harder to get over ... but that was before I realized how intense an EA actually is. Looking back, I can see that my H didn't really KNOW the OW--he projected ideal qualities onto her, he felt wonderful for having "rescued" her, he mooned around obsessing about her--but once he'd experienced withdrawal from her, he felt like he'd been an idiot.
My being able to see that it was only ever a fantasy perhaps makes the EA easier to get over than the PA, where the act of having sex might bring on thoughts of H and OW together? I imagine it would be similar to the way sex with H sometimes used to trigger thoughts of the abuse? However, this is only speculation, as my H didn't have a PA.
More importantly, just as my having forgiven my abuser has removed him from our marriage bed, and my having forgiven my H has pretty much shoved thoughts about the OW to the back of my mind, I think it's possible to get past a PA, as long as both parties are committed to working together to create a mutuallly satisfying marriage. I've seen several examples of that on this site. This necessarily includes both strong physical and emotional bonds with H.
I guess I'd still like to hear the answer to SOBear's question--what drew you to this site? What are you hoping to hear here?
