Is this the end of my marriage?

[K4D]

I have decided not to send any Christmas cards this year. But that is just me.

Kevin

[chatterbug]

If you send an xmas card.

Send it from your daughter and you.

Thats it.

Merry xmas

D and P

Leave it at that.


As for the other one.

Mom's and daughters. And your stitch. Shame can be the toughest weight for a Mom to carry when she knows her daughter has done something morally wrong. She questions her self as a mother and role model. Then add in how your country deals with issues such as what your going through. And who knows what WAS said to her about you if anything at all.

Her timing may not have been the greatest. But she did contact you. I would send a thankyou card back. GAL. Here. Tell them that you gave D 2 hugs for her. And D misses her. You hope she is well... yada yada yada. Short and sweet. DB her in the letter. If she is important to you. Tell her you were disappointed that she did not contact you or your mother during the final stages of her life. If she is not. Let it slide.

No mention of WAS.

And it would have been in very poor taste if she mentioned WAS to you.

That would be like a xmas card that talked about your relationship.

Somethings do not mix well.

[P17]

Just got a call from the Doctors Surgery asking for my wife. I told them she didn't live here anymore but I would get a message to her as they didn't have her new contact details. Last time this happened (just after W left) she gave them her new contact details, or at least she said she did.

Anyway, didn't think this was the kind of thing you play games with so I broke NC by asking IM to contact W and ask her to contact Doctor tomorrow and give them her up to date contact details. I did also ask IM to say I hoped she was okay but then asked IM to not say that (if you see what I mean). Wanted it to be business like.

If you send an xmas card.
Send it from your daughter and you.
Thats it.
Merry xmas
D and P
Leave it at that.

That's the way I thought about it too. I thought adding in another name, however much it would actually make me feel better, was deceitful and just ... well I don't know but it just didn't sit right with me!

Mom's and daughters. And your stitch. Shame can be the toughest weight for a Mom to carry when she knows her daughter has done something morally wrong. She questions her self as a mother and role model. Then add in how your country deals with issues such as what your going through. And who knows what WAS said to her about you if anything at all.

W's mum has had two divorces and two affairs (I think) so I think her morals are sitting way below the rest of us. Bundle that up with my belief that she is facilitating W to do what she is doing and I actually don't think W's mum gives a rats a$$.

I always thought my W hated what her mum had done to her and the way she behaved in her marriages. But, like mother like daughter ...

Her timing may not have been the greatest. But she did contact you. I would send a thankyou card back. GAL. Here. Tell them that you gave D 2 hugs for her. And D misses her. You hope she is well... yada yada yada. Short and sweet. DB her in the letter. If she is important to you. Tell her you were disappointed that she did not contact you or your mother during the final stages of her life. If she is not. Let it slide.

I thought she was important to me. I was close with her I thought. I think I will let it slide though as it may just cause tension and I can't really be bothered with that.

I will get D to make her up a special Xmas card too. How is that for DB'ing.

It would be nice to think that they could have a relationship with D even though they are not her natural grandparents. However they haven't asked anything about D since W left so what does that tell you.

No mention of WAS.
And it would have been in very poor taste if she mentioned WAS to you.
That would be like a xmas card that talked about your relationship.
Somethings do not mix well.

Once again you are right cutter. I wasn't thinking.

My burning question though is why do I go from on top of the world to rock bottom when there is contact?

Any pointers as to how I can understand my feelings or emotions at the time so I can stop this happening? Any insights at all even to put me in the right direction?

Anything? As I really am struggling with this one and it is throwing me every time.

[newmama]

I completely agree with Cutter about it all. In my sitch, my MIL did not reach out to me about the affair; she reached out about her grandson. She was very embarrassed about her son's treatment of us (she told me later) and didn't know what to say.

I think your MIL possibly didn't know what to do in regard to contacting you about your mum. She is possibly trying to stay connected with you and your D separate from your WAW. That is what my inlaws are doing and it's okay with me! Again, I am not angry with them for something their son is doing!

Just sign cards w/ your name and D. Not the right time to be manipulative. I like how Cutter is consistently mentioning the same 2 names of women to people so that it can get around that he could be dating! It just seems more believable and classy--not a game! (even though it kind of is!)

[P17]

I completely agree with Cutter about it all. In my sitch, my MIL did not reach out to me about the affair; she reached out about her grandson. She was very embarrassed about her son's treatment of us (she told me later) and didn't know what to say.

Maybe you are right. She offered me a hand. Maybe I should offer it back. It can't hurt. I don't like people in out of D's life. W was a different story, D was learning bad lessons from her but W's mum and dad could be a part of her life if they showed some interest.

I think your MIL possibly didn't know what to do in regard to contacting you about your mum. She is possibly trying to stay connected with you and your D separate from your WAW. That is what my inlaws are doing and it's okay with me! Again, I am not angry with them for something their son is doing!

But W's mum could have called me at any point in the last 4 months about D. Or even my mum when I told W that she had only 2 months to live - to give her credit though, W may not have told her mum about my mum's 2 months. I had a gut feeling that W didn't believe me about my mum and maybe she thought I was playing her for sympathy.

Just sign cards w/ your name and D. Not the right time to be manipulative. I like how Cutter is consistently mentioning the same 2 names of women to people so that it can get around that he could be dating! It just seems more believable and classy--not a game! (even though it kind of is!)

I have a name I could use to put around. However it would be D's mum and if W heard that she would likely burst into flames and that would be the end of the M completely So that's a maybe then ...

[chatterbug]

I think it is because your human P.

You have had a horrible year. These are triggers. MIL and Death of your MOM. All wrapped up into one little letter.

I completely understand.

P.S.

Most parents do not want their children to repeat their mistakes. She is fully seeing the life long ramifications of her choices. She is human as well.

[P17]

I think it is because your human P.

You have had a horrible year. These are triggers. MIL and Death of your MOM. All wrapped up into one little letter.

I suppose you're right (again) cutter.

Most parents do not want their children to repeat their mistakes. She is fully seeing the life long ramifications of her choices. She is human as well.

I wish I believed that, I really do. But, you've been right so far so I'll trust your judgement

[newmama]

whoa...your MIL cheated too? I must have forgotten that. My MIL did, also! Yeah, I wish I could see how my FIL talks to WH!!

[P17]

whoa...your MIL cheated too? I must have forgotten that. My MIL did, also! Yeah, I wish I could see how my FIL talks to WH!!

She cheated on her first husband (W's father) and her second husband. She also, if my late mother is to be believed, was spotted snogging somebody else at my wedding (thereby cheating on her third husband) ... I kid you not. A woman of high morals she is not.

[sgctxok]

And you love her?


P17---

I have not read your full thread...but I have seen some of your advice...and it's good. I'm glad you're on the board. May you be successful. Saying a prayer for you....
sg