Sandi - I like your thinking re: not discussing his apt. For the seven months he's been gone, we've spoken very little about it, and he comes here to be with S5, but he is starting to push for more openness about it and wants to start taking S to his place. I'm against all of it. We just started MC last week - finally - and I want to work on how/if we can reconsile, not how to make this separation easier on him - which is of course what he wants to talk about in therapy - more openness about facing the separation.
ugh.
Yes, I am on an Ad, and it helps with general social anxiety. I'm going to make a DR. app. this week and talk about if this is right for me as it doesn't help at all with the panic attack.
And if you read any of my thread you will see that H's verbal abuse has been my main issue since H left - before that it was both of us, lots of issues, but the main one has become me being totally on edge when he is to be around b/c I fear being attacked and blown up at - which is usually the case. Lately, I feel H has started to also blow up at S in the guise of "discipline" so H does not want to face that. He thinks he's just parenting but I feel he does it in a way that is that is too intense and is venting his personal frustrations.
I don' tknow how to get H to see any of this. He does not admit it and of course in his mind, when I get upset at his attacks, or react, I am the one that is crazy or getting too irrational or angry - I'm to blame in his mind. So YOU ARE RIGHT = I'm working on not letting it upset me - a huge task, but yesterday I did it fairly well.
I've been working with an IC for the entire time since H left on how to stand up to him with little success. The main one is to walk away immediately.
So the panic attacks are definitely associated with that.
