Oh Gno! What is going on?

[dday101798]

Gno,

You are on the right track, but a bit to the extreme in nature.

Yes, you need to just move on with life, with or with out Ms Gno (the ultimate way to be "as if"). You did so by going out on your own and giving her a "does of her own medicine", and as you note, she didn't like it. And THAT is exactly what I'd keep doing.

In the mean time, she'll want to argue. And I'll bet about the same repeated thing over and over, right? Then prep yourself with the stance: "what is the point?".

The moment you start going about your way and not coninuing to hash out the rhetoric over and over, after a few cycles of it, it will become you, and surprisingly, things become far less personal, and believe me, your W will notice that.

[luvless]

Wow G - intense.

I didn't know you've been dealing with this for seven months! I can't even hang for 3 weeks.

I feel so bad but at the same time relieved for you that you've come to this decision. It sounds like you have a sense of empowerment (well feeling brave enough) to call her out on a D.

Ya know...her hatred - bottled up hurt coming out. Does she see you as "not caring?" Is all your efforts on "self" being perceived as not giving a damn or not trying to "rescue" her?

I guess at this point you probably don't even want to answer the question that I asked you. You must be burnt out. I feel for you G. Big HUGz coming from Luv.

[Lll54]

Question. You mentioned that your W did not like when you were not there friday night. You mentioned she was angry. I did this yesterday. I was out all day and wasn't home when H got home from work. H usually gets upset when he doesn't know where I am and even more upset when he comes home past the kids bedtimes and I'm STILL not home.

My question is, is this a good thing? Him being angry? I assumed it was because of the previous reason just because I know him and he has been angry in the past when I haven't been home. Is this the way we want them to react? Does it show they care? I dunno?

P.S. You sound like such a strong man. I have no fear that you won't get through this one way or another.

[iwantittowork]

The view I'm taking from this point forward is GUILTY until PROVEN innocent. I'm assuming a full blown PA. And I'VE RUN OUT OF PATIENCE. I'm going for a resolution either way before the end of the month. Seven months of BS is enough. I'm not going to be playing this game for another year. I've decided from Jan 1st I'm starting a New Year, a new decade and a new life for me - with or without Mrs Gno.

I've bided my time and have all my ducks in a row. I'm in a strong position. The Big D and its consequences are all in my favor. Life as she knows it is about to come to an end. I'm done cooking frogs. It's time to pour fuel on the fire and flame grill this M. It's either going to come out "just right" or completely toasted. The kid gloves are coming off and she's not going to like it. As sick as it sounds I've even selected my own little theme song -- and it IS NOT this song.

So... that's where I am...

Hey Gno, I understand where your at, but watch that you are not doing this from a place of spite and anger, and your ready to live with the consequences, regardless of what they are.

I think you are, and can handle it, after following your sitch and seeing your posts to others, but your post came across as really angry.

[Dudess]

Ya know...her hatred - bottled up hurt coming out. Does she see you as "not caring?" Is all your efforts on "self" being perceived as not giving a damn or not trying to "rescue" her?

I'm thinking the same as luvless. Hate = intense underlying hurt. Care about the hurt.

Is she feeling rejected? unimportant? disresepcted? unloved? powerless?

I don't think hate can be neutralized, but it can be transformed when the underlying hurt is acknowledged.

[Gnosis]

Q&A catchup and response

Kalni: I ordered 350$ worth of stuff from VS and charged it to his card "by accident" and ordered 2 tiny vibrators
ROFLMAO.

Kalni: I plan to start using my new BoB while he sleeps beside me. Maybe that would get the point across to him.
WICKED! K, that's gonna get a rise out of him and drive the point straight home. You've lost a bit of the surprise advantage if the purchases show on the CC bill. WAIT UNTIL he's asleep before you use it. If you really want to drive him crazy strip naked and kneel facing him as you use it

Kalni: Of course he may just ask me to go somewhere else not to disrupt his sleep...
IF the moron does... your answer: "OK." Get out of bed and start getting dressed to kill. When he asks what you are doing tell him, "Never mind. Go back to sleep." ... and leave for a long drive. On your return when he asks where you went.. "To investigate alternatives" is your answer.

Kalni: You will survive, no matter what. I hope "what" is not another man...
Efxaristo adelfi. Efxoume mia kali klisi me tin diki sou katastasi. Mistixos, tora me pire tin laxtara. (Apopse 8elo an pio - Xaris Aleksiou)

motherof3: You sir, are a wealth of knowledge. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you fair lady. I sincerely hope that some of it is of use in your situation and things around for you. I wish I had more time to read your thread and post to you. I usually read a person's entire thread to understand as much as I can before I start commenting.

motherof3: No matter what, you are going to be okay.
Thank you. it may not seem like it today, but I do believe this too.

cutterbug: I remember that day when I found out. Felt the same way. <snip> It was a deal breaker for me that day. But the next day I realized its just not that easy.
Bro, I get you, understand and can empathize. We're different people, from different backgrounds, raised in different worlds and experienced different lives. I KNOW myself and I KNOW I will NOT be able to follow that path.

dday101798: I know that feeling all too well and it so sucks. My XW would say she's going tainning salon, if I remember right, was only 15 minutes, but always took at least 3 &1/2 hours
Yes, it sucks. And I'm not prepared to endure any more of this.

luvless: Stopping by to say I've been thinking about you all day!
Ai yai yai, chikita! Gracias senora. God be with you sister and may He thaw through the frozen barrier of your H's.

Gardener: after your insightful hit-and-runs on my (and others') sitch, I'd ponder and consider your words and inevitably end up wondering: "Who was that..."
LOL Gman. Hit and runs? Yeah, I am a terror... especially when people try hind behind their horror-scopes. Thanks for the support.

Britt54: Keep your head up Gnosis.
To get it bashed in? LOL. Joking. Thanks for the encouraging words. It's time for change. Shake the tree and create CRISIS.

Mindfull: I'm not sure if you glean this from my posts, but I'm fairly high maintenance (in a cute, subtle, way... LOL)
(((M))) Since all this started I mocked the efforts a woman went through to work on her appearance. I now appreciate it and commend women that put all that hard work in to look good.

Mindfull: Does she have acrylic/gel nails?
No, all natural.

Mindfull: And, she has a WEEKLY PEDICURE!
My bad. From my understanding this is done every two weeks.

Mindfull: Does she do anything else? Waxing? (MAX 30 minutes) Massage? (Depends on service) BOTOX? (15 minutes) Chemical Peels? (45 minutes)
Waxing = DIY. No to massage, Botox and chemical peels. Mrs Gno's skin is beautiful and she has taken care of herself over the years. When the warpaint goes on she can look up to fifteen years younger. She's aged very well (inherited from her mother.)

Mindfull: Don't you see a cc receipt? How much are the charges?
No CC receipt. All of it comes out of petty cash. One of the things that has stumped my investigation is that there are no out-of-the-ordinary expenses. She has always maintained herself.

Mindfull: OK, G, need an update! Do I have to hop on an airplane, and escape this -20 degree weather, and come down and assist?
ROFL. Sister I wanted to reply to you the minute I saw this post. <tongue in cheek reply> You're welcome, pack your bikini and hop onto a plane. We can enjoy ice-cold coconuts on the beach.

Mindfull: Taptaptaptaptap.... No rush, G, really...
Spoken like a TRUE woman. ROFL.

----- we end this transmission ------

I've got some things to do... will continue with the replies when I return. Thanks everyone.

[motherof3]

Mindfull: Don't you see a cc receipt? How much are the charges?
No CC receipt. All of it comes out of petty cash. One of the things that has stumped my investigation is that there are no out-of-the-ordinary expenses. She has always maintained herself.

G, Is it possible that you are looking for evidence of something or someone that doesn't even exist?

Just had to throw that out there.

Mo3

[chatterbug]

I am firm believer that we should trust our gut instincts on this issue.

[Coach]

I am firm believer that we should trust our gut instincts on this issue.

When you fly you are taught to cross-check your decision-making with multiple different instruments. Flying by the seat of your pants can get you in trouble especially when encountering bad weather.

[mindfull]

Oh, no, Coach. I fly by the seat of my pants as a way of life!!! (need to move to a more temperate climate... note to self!)




G -

What's the next step in surveillance?

And, you didn't answer... what was she so hot about on her phone calls (from the recording device)?