"Really? How's that worked so far?" I also questioned whether she wanted to associate with someone like that professionally--someone who will take advantage of others suffering. This angered her further, but there was some recognition that I made a valid point. Nevertheless, she siezed upon it as an opportunity to defend him.
You were preaching. Of course she was going to push back on that. Refrain in future.
Quote:
I got script about how she has never felt connected with me. I explained that I was sorry I have not been present a lot of times, but this has served as a huge wake up call and I am ready, willing and able to be the man you deserve. She reiterated she did not want to try.
You guys call it 'script'. I call it a W telling her H a brutal truth. Good thing you recognize it, too. And it's not about being the man she deserves - it's about being a man she is attracted to b/c he is A Man who knows what he about.
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Thanks Greek. Yes, it was a bit preachy--just got a bit carried away. In terms of the brutal truth vs. script, I see your point. It is brutal and there is truth to it. But don't you think that that version of the truth gets magnified when there is another man in the picture?
I told her that he needed to be 100% out of her life if not I would expose it. She said she would not stop associating with him professionally. She said she can be around him and control herself.
This will never work. ANY contact with him -- even NEGATIVE contact (like an argument) -- will set her withdrawal "clock" back to 0:00. That's a physiological FACT.
Well, at least you have your answer. I'm sorry, but stick to your guns. Once she sees you're not going to cave on this, you may get total no-contact after all.
How realistic is it for her to get another job somewhere else? Can she request a transfer with the same company, to another location? How necessary is her income right now to your family's joint finances?
She is a small business owner and is an instructor and he is a trainee. She could have him train with someone else or eject him from the program. It would be completely her perogative. There is no income from this venture. She obviously is still cake eating here or pretending, for me or for her, to end the A.
It's probobly pretty natural for the WAW to resist the end of the A, akin to the Sienfeld soda machine tipping theory. It wont happen on the first push. My IC says, like you say Puppy, disegaging from an A is a process. The exposure came as a shock to her yesterday. This was pretty sudden and traumatic. So, it is hard to come to terms with even the idea of the loss. In any event, I am glad I kept the pressure on. It shows her that I am fighting for our marriage and that I will show the black flag.
You know what you want from your wife and how you expect her to behave. How do you feel compared to a week ago? What changed?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Right now, I feel like crap, just reread the emails between them, I feel like throwing up. She sounds like a love sick teenager. It is really pathetic.
The hell of it is if you stood me next to the OP, Nine out of Ten women would chose me. No contest, no brag. The real kick is that my wife is the one in ten, that would chose the OP. At least right now she is.
Compared to a week ago? Well, I now know the truth. I have clarity. I know I have done what is right.I am stronger. I am fighting the right battle in the right way. I know my wife is suffering and I would do anything to take the pain for her.
I know my wife is suffering and I would do anything to take the pain for her.
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Careful. You are VERY close to being in an unhealthy co-dependency/enmeshment here. This plus the two comments above about her "grieving" worry me.
"I hate to see you hurting like this" should be the limit to what you say to her. Do NOT let her dump on you with her withdrawal stories about her love for OM; that's unhealthy for you, and incredibly disrespectful.
Yes, thanks for pointing that out. It is my arrogant desire to assume her pain that is at the genesis of many of our problems. I think somehow I tried so hard to "fix" her, so she would feel better, I let go of just loving her, then, when she didn't "fix" I got frustated, resentful and angry.
I got you on the withdrawal stories.
Perhaps I should point something out: I keep a pint of Old Loud Mouth bourbon and a full size rubber chicken in my desk drawer. However, I am unclear of thier individual or combined utility at this juncture.
She is a small business owner and is an instructor and he is a trainee. She could have him train with someone else or eject him from the program. It would be completely her perogative. There is no income from this venture. She obviously is still cake eating here or pretending, for me or for her, to end the A.
WHAT????????/??? NO HE'S GOT TO GO. DONT BE STUPID.
Completely her perogative? who is this we are talking about your wife or your sister? jeez....... you have to ask 'what do you do next?' dude gets the boot. get lost. train down the street.
