Pls help--confused and fearful

[Day by Day]

No, I didn't write a plan B letter to WAH. And at this point, it's too nasty to write one I think, is it?

I found out from OW's ex that those nasty TM were written while WAH was with OW. He's being pressured by her. They share my TMs and emails. WAH should have been with our kids this wknd.

I will start recording everything on a calendar now!

What do you mean by not breaking contact. Can you give examples of where to keep it?

My WAH is not showing any signs of wanting to come back. He's running far far away and detached from the kids.

[newmama]

I found out from OW's ex that those nasty TM were written while WAH was with OW. He's being pressured by her. They share my TMs and emails.

Typical. OW is pissed that her ex is in touch with you AND is threatened that you are not D'ing WH. And DBD, this reaction is sooo common. It really is. Check out marriagebuilders and survivinginfidelity websites and forums.

My WAH is not showing any signs of wanting to come back. He's running far far away and detached from the kids.

Again, pretty common. My SIL's ex (who wants her back now) did the same thing with his boys. That's why I was so scared my WH would completely abandon S and I. THEY ARE LOONY WHILE IN THE A!!

I am just letting you know that this behavior is not uncommon but it doesn't mean it's okay!

So, IMO, if you write the plan B letter, do not send it via email since OW sees those. Can you mail it to his work? Or somewhere?

[Day by Day]

I wish there was a list of all the script things WAS do. What else can I expect to happen?

Where can I find info on doing a plan B letter? Like, what needs to be in there? I don't think it would matter if I mailed it to his work because she works there too. And they seem to be so tight with each other. But, I can write it in Spanish since both he and I spoke to each other in it. Oh, and funny how H wrote his warning letter about OW's ex in Spanish so it would be useless if I were to forward it to him.

OW's ex told her that I called her boss and that's why she got moved. That's why both OW and WAH are so angry.

[P17]

The first week of no contact I was contacted 3 to 5 times.

The first three weeks of NC I was contacted 4 times.

Now it comes every 2 weeks. And always on thursday. I put the stuff on my WAS calendar.

That is quite spooky! What is it with Thursdays? The texts and emails from W were always on a Thursday ...

[P17]

Where can I find info on doing a plan B letter? Like, what needs to be in there?

Here was my Plan B letter:

"
Dear W,

I am writing to you about our current situation.

I can no longer stand by and accept your affair and pretend that we are still a happy loving family.

I have decided that there should only be contact between us for two reasons. To either discuss the reconciliation of our marriage or the potential end of our marriage. The first one I can't discuss while you have invited a third person into our marriage and the second one is best left to solicitors, I think.

I have asked IM to act as an intermediary between us. This will protect D and I from any unnecessary contact. You can either speak or text IM on <IM's mobile>or email her at <IM's email>.

In the meantime, D and I must move on with our lives without you.

Yours sincerely,
"

[Day by Day]

Well, WAH is contacts me for finding out if I picked out a lawyer yet. He's asked me for the past 3 days the same question. (Merry Xmas to you too.) So wouldn't that get the ball rolling in my sitch? And I just can't think of anyone to be the IM.

[chatterbug]

LRT.

Are you prepared to completely toss away your marriage?

You are going to go against the written script in their heads.

PLAN B letter.

Needs to explain what and why your doing it.

Who they contact for trival info.

When and what they can contact you about.

You write out boundaries. You stick to it.

You let them know that they have a choice.

You let them know that they have consenquences to their actions.

We can help you through writting this.

Do you have an IM ?

Are you finished with Plan A?

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com

Has some great threads on how to write a Plan B letter and just some other good threads... You can search for more Plan B info

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=019428

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2029218#Post2029218

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2029218#Post2029218

[P17]

LRT.
Are you prepared to completely toss away your marriage?

This is the most important bit. Last Resort Technique is not called 'Last Resort' for nothing. It could just as easily break your marriage as save it.

You need to be 100% sure you want to do it and 100% committed to keeping it up, otherwise it is a waste of time.

[Day by Day]

For the past couple days, I feel I am prepared to "toss away" my marriage. I want to make sure I feel that way for a couple days. It could be from the pressure I'm getting from WAH.

I did read through the other plan B letters and I just can't write the caring and loving things to my WAH as they did. I feel his actions have extinguished the love I had for him.

I'll try working on a plan B letter anyway. I'll post it here first though.

I do agree I need to set boundaries asap. He needs to see the consequences of his actions. I've been a doormat for too long. I'm done with plan A. He's told me he's cutting off financial support and I don't think he's bluffing. Ugh. How can I write this man a kind letter after his cruelty? Gag.

[P17]

Ugh. How can I write this man a kind letter after his cruelty? Gag.

If you looked at the letters from the Marriage Builders forum then they look at things differently.

I had a lot of wishy washy stuff in my letter. My W knows I love her so there was no need to reiterate that to her. I just went for something simple and straight to the point. It was clear and consistent. So clear in fact that W decided she didn't 'understand it' and came to my house so I had to reiterate it.