feel like giving up - talk to me!

[mindfull]

LOL

Picture the folks around...

I pray for Mind, and Trent, and GNO, and blahblahblah...

They'll think you've lost your mind!



Make sure you get a house YOU like!

[luvless]

Ok here's what happened - grab me and shake me and put me in prospective!

Fri night - dreading him coming home and felt very sad like I could cry at any moment (was texting a gf who said she was there for me) I was already dressed to go out deciding on whether I would go with friends and take off or hang out with him. He ends up getting home a little early while kids all went out to eat.

I felt such anger and defensiveness towards him when he came in. No hug or hello but from him but where are the kids? I told him and he said, "well do you wanna go do something?" I was mad and said, "I'm not in the mood to be upset tonight." I said you come in here like whatever - he stops me and says, "ok lets do this over" and he comes to give me a hug and a kiss. He sits down next to me and I say, "I have been really upset lately and I don't like what is going on and I'm in no mood so if you aren't going to be rude I'm going to "lisa's." He says, "fine."

We got to dinner (this really nice place) and have a bottle wine and talk a little here and there about the R (he brought up some) He keeps with his same story of being stressed and not wanting to care blah blah blah. We finished dinner and went to this cool hotel for a martini - great view - we sat and talked about funny stuff and bits of R here and there (some brought up by him) but we enjoyed the time together. We went home and had some fun in the bedroom.

The next morning my H woke up next to me. He cuddled with me. I wondered where the alien went. We did our usual stuff - he came in the bathroom and talked to me while I showered then we were off to breakfast. We had a nice time and he talked about work - i listened (not my fav subject) We sat there for a while then I started talking about last night and how I could use one of those again. We have some sexual banter and we go back to the house and "play" before we head out shopping.

Shopping...he held my hand...even stopping a couple times to kiss me (talk about confusion) asked me if I wanted a prize (his usual way) so we just end up shopping and he was just being him and I was content...even though I knew the alien would return.

We got home that night and he has been sitting on the opposite side of the couch consistently but sat night he came over and sat next to me. Laid his head on me and we talked for a little bit then fell asleep.

Sunday he was a little more distant but not mean or anything. I thought I'd take the alien to church - we needed it and so did my DB friends - I prayed for Trent, Sol, Mind, G, britt, soldier dad, Gardener, serenity and maple gal - that's all I could think of but I did ad you other guys in there too

Sunday lunch - he came to sit on my side of the table next to me and put his hand on my leg. He was affectionate and comments were endearing. He said, "I looked cute today." We just talked and watched the Dallas game. I'm glad the Chargers won BUT as the night progressed he wanted to get something to drink (and u know i hate when he drinks) towards the evening he is on the couch with my laptop looking at some stuff and says, "I don't care and as soon as you get that through your head the better off you will be." The ALIEN had returned. Is this because Monday was coming and the possible EA woman is around the corner or what? Help me guys! I'm at a loss.

I know he could be wavering and lighting me up like Kim says, but why not just stick to one side? either love me or leave me! WTF this is torture!

[luvless]

Oh I must add - after that very mean comment I went to my room. He came in after me and wanted me to spend time with him? Is this classic emotional abuse 101? I said, "what do you want with me did you just hear what you said to me?" He says, "don't start" come on and goes to grab my hand. Why the hell does he want me around then? RAR

I know at this point you guys are feeling like this guy is an a**hole - he is acting like one yes - and I don't know how much more I can take.

[mindfull]

Luv - He is a piece of work. I see a lot of him in my H. The ick parts!

Does he say what his "issues" are? You guys are close to our age... Do you think this is a MLC? Like, OMG, here I am all grown up, all of these kids to handle, this family to support, college coming, blahblahblah... ? I sense a bit of that in my H.

OR... more like, eeeek, WTF have I created here?

[luvless]

Definately a MLC for H. It's been since his mom died 3 yrs ago. He wasn't close to her - she abandoned him at 10 and he never really had a relationship with her so I don't get that part. In 2006 he started to act weird we bought a boat (I said he was having an mlc and it was a boat or a girlfriend) ha! that's a true story I tell my friends.

I do believe he has alot of pressure but when hasn't he? Nothing has changed! Kids are more self sufficient he has less work around the house so I don't get it.

He said "im not happy" so you know what that means? FOG for brains!

oh yeah, his issues are he is stressed...not happy...not gonna care about anything...not gonna let anything bother him anymore kinda issues. ugh

[Lll54]

Hey, Luvless. Just dropping in to say sorry bout the "bipolarness" your H exhibits. Mine does the same. Hot, cold, hot, cold, hot, cold. Really, make up your mind. I've heard, "I'm not happy", to "I don't want to come home" to "can I come home?" to "I'm outta here, p.s. the hat you're wearing does not suit you". So really, we can't believe a thing they say or do right now. They obviously don't know what they are saying or doing either.

P.S. Much appreciated the inclusion in your prayers sunday morning. I will be sure to return the favor in my prayers.

[rockedworld]

Hi Luvless,
Decided to stop by when you commented on our similar ages, kids, etc. on Britt's thread. I haven't had time to read your whole thread but I think I'm getting the picture.

My H and I are just starting piecing, he has ended R with OW, but it's all very new and I'm being cautious.

But, since ending this A, he has told me a lot about what was going on in his "fog" alien brain. We went through a similar cycle to the one you are describing on weekends. He told me that he would begin to anticipate on Sundays that he would be getting pressure from OW as soon as Monday came to spend as much time as possible with her. He said she would put so much pressure on him (even to the point of abuse at times) that he knows he would take it out on me.

In my DBing process, I made myself the "better option" because I didn't pressure. I set boundaries, and I was GALIng and doing 180's but I didn't pressure. Eventually, he realized I was the "better option".

I hope that helps....
Don't let him treat you badly, but otherwise "act as if"...

[luvless]

Hi Rocked,

I just spent the last hour reading your situation. I got nothing but hugs for you! What an emotional rollercoaster for you my God. I guess we are all on it hoping it will stop...some of us get off and some stay on.

I have no real proof H is in any kind of EA or PA but you just can't rule it out ya know? The behavior just screams but mine is definately in a MLC so it can be difficult to decipher.

I'm acting as if....alot of days...too many days. I am becoming a master at biting my tongue but boy is it making me angry. I'm going to hit a wall soon and realize GAL or die. I'm slowly getting over my H. His behavior towards me has made him very unattractive. I know it's new and I'm angry but seriously...I'm scared if I keep feeling this resentment it'll be over for me!

Ok...well I am so glad you are doing well...keep us posted. You go girl

[maple]

Hi Luv,
Not sure if I have ever posted here but you are in my watched topics.
Just read you prayed for me on Sunday. I am not religious but knowing you thought of me and you care makes all the difference.
It is a little light in my rather bleak outlook at the moment.
Just wanted to let you know.
Maple

[luvless]

Ok I get an F in DB today. I called him and told him he better stop messing around or I'm gonna out him to everyone. I had it - I have this deep feeling in my gut that is really bothering me. I need him to know I'm not going to stand by and allow him to treat me this way. I said, "I'm not gonna play the role of wife if you aren't going to treat me like one." He avidly denied any wrong doing...of course.

It was just eating me and I had to get it out. Go ahead - line up to smack me in the head.