It's been a long time since I last posted here. Still in ssm, even more sex starved than before. The sex, or shall I say lack thereof isn't so much the issue now. Indeed, that was really the tip of the iceberg in the train wreck our marriage has become. MrsGGB told me the second time in 4 months ILYBINILWY, and it wasn't a surprise (well, actually I asked her and she was honest with me about her feelings). Not that I didn't already know, it was pretty obvious from her actions. Frankly, I'm in pretty much the same spot (re the ILYBINILWY) We've pretty much become room mates and are not really talking much to each other beyond the logistical info needed to keep a house full of kids running. For me, the lack of sex seems to have precipitated the distance between us, but that may just be the first symptom I was able to recognize. After pushing for all these years (were married almost 23 years), I'm pretty much out of steam. I'd rather make this work than walk, but I'm also out of ideas on how to move it forward instead of inflicting even more damage. I long for a closeness that I see in other couples as well as depicted in movies etc. We've never been able to achieve that in our marriage, and I wonder if it is me, her or both that prevents it. I think early on, I equated sex with closeness and perhaps sabotaged our R trying to get close using sex. I don't know how to get there from here, or if it is even possible. We've also seemed to have killed any of the fun and playfulnes in our marriage, and again, I'm not sure if that was ever there (I honestly can't remember it being there). If there were no kids and no vows, the decision would be an easy "NEXT!". However, between the kids (6), our religion (very Catholic), and my vows, I have a hard time with moving on...that and I don't know that the problem isn't me and that I'd likely just get into the same situation on the next relationship. I do know that I can't go on being just a room mate and a paycheck. How do I fix this? Where do I start?
