Need Some Qwik Advice

[Puppy Dog Tails]

OB,

I understand. Hard withdrawal from OM will take a few weeks, and total withdrawal can take up to a year to a year and a half.

So what did you think of dBurt's suggestions to you above?

Puppy

[OnceBurdened]

The discussion last nightcentered around those feelings she is struggling with.

She did get mad and begin the accusations of me having A's back to 15yrs ago. I told her again that she was wrong. She said " I know H, deny til you die, I'm not going to do that, you know the truth we were friends, we had sex and I ended up having feelings for him. I'm not going to deny it and I am struggling with it"

She kept asking me what to do, which is always a trap. I told her that it hurts me that she doesn't believe me about those incidents where she thought there were things going on. I said I acted innaprpriately and was entirely to flirtatious, or said innappropriate, immature things. I recognize it and it won't happen anymore.

Than it was -" It just P*sses me off for you to stand there and act like you never doubted this marriage. GD you H I know you have done things wrong and you'll never admit it"

I said "when, what and who?"

She said _ " Forget it I don't want to get into it"

I said " No- it's here AGAIN and we need to address it"

It was on from there - let me tell you!

[OnceBurdened]

She did balk on Saturday telling me she felt like she was being supervised.

Said it was unfair for her not to be allowed to talk to him. Although she understood why I would say that.

She also said that if it was upto her she would suggest a seperation.

I said " How'd that workout for us last time?"

She said_ " We were getting to be friends again and you even said yourself that it helped"

I said " I did say that and then I found out about everything. So W how did the seperation help"

She said " It did help except I had other stuff going on"

I said " It didn't work at all, you used that time to have an affair and stop calling it stuff call it what it is an affair"

[OnceBurdened]

After this weekend - I was gone all weekend and the constant " I am struggling and I don't know messages- I really got wore down to be honost with you - dbert.

I told her to leave and explore her feelings. Good luck and good bye. Leave the D papers here- I'm tired of the constant negative grabs and holds.

I slip and get p*ssed she holds on to it all weekend.

Here is what I see- Thursday nite we slept in the same bed for part of the nite and she crawled right up there next to me and gave me hugs and kisses, next day talked little heat here and there , made love, joked around I left she called and said "hey" small talk on the trip down. Good stuff until got text from OM.

She sees- I was home 8 hrs we argued, did some stuff, than fought all weekend about his apology.

Being as It's kinda at the last stand anyway I'm not sure what the plan is. I'm tired.

[OnceBurdened]

Last night she left again. this morning she starts calling early.

I said what's up she said " I've been calling all morning"
I said " I turned my phone to mute and slept - I was tired, do you know where the D papers are?"

She said " No that's not the answer I'm coming home tonight, I sat in the drive for an hour or so last night and you never came out."

I said " I told you goodbye, I meant it and I was very tired and went to sleep"

Am I pushing it?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Hell no, you're not -- you're finally on the right track. Keep it up!!!

IT'S WORKING!!!!!

[OnceBurdened]

She's here tonight - I had made supper again than left to workout. I kinda got cold shouldered but made some small talk after I returned.

She wanted to go work out @ 9p, asked if it was OKAY?

I said it didn't bother me any.

Kids sure like having her around.

I feel like letting a couple of uneventful days go by before we talk further plans. We did talk some today, she said she thought about me, i returned the jesture. She said "Did you think @ how F*d up i am right now?"

I said "No thought about all the good times"

To much R talk ? I don't want the mushy stuff to cloud the task at hand but I felt she was reaching out and didn't want to bite it off.
"

[robx]

no R talk on your part,
let her pursue you,
you had some momentum going your way,
listen to the advice we're giving you,
stop pursuing, stop the R talk, let her mention if the R was good or not, let her defend your relationship, why are you offering R talk?

She is testing you, can't you see this, she's seeing if you're easy or not, she is seeing if you're still conquered or not, tame that inner wuss inside you, stuff him back inside, the masculine you came out and dictated the direction and she responded to it, didn't she? Unless all of what you wrote was bull$hit?!

Keep doing what works!
Stop doing what doesn't work!

Ask her about those d papers again and act like you don't care and don't pay any attention to her like you had been doing, that is what got you results.

Let her defend your marriage, let her work hard for it!

[OnceBurdened]

So no problems yesterday.

She called to let me know that she was coming home from gym, I said " Thanks"

This morning I was loading washer when her phone fell out.

I looked Message from OM @ 12:20a " You still up"

She replied " Yes"

I confronted her, she denied it, tried to say it was other day. I said "Bull stop lying, it says 12/15 @ 12:20 a, I've had it your lieng again.You've deleted your call log so obviously you don't want me to know if you talked to him after that. While in our house while I was a sleep. I'll call the atty. I'm tired of your lieng, tired of being shown that that is more important"

Of course she said " I'm not doing anything wrong, i simply replied"

It's just denial, and I told her the same. There was more said but it's all still just denial.

Do I just force the hand now or, go somewhere and go dark?

[OnceBurdened]

She at LEAST replied to a text from him very early this am. I think I call atty, leave and go dark, what do you think?