Trying LRT - Please Help!

[motherof3]

(((Gardener)))

I am glad you got that all out. And yes, you have the power to make 2010 the year of the Gardener.

[motherof3]

The kids and I had a very enjoyable weekend. Although, as much as I hate to say it, I will be glad to have a break from them. Right or wrong, I feel deep down inside that I am a better mom because I work. I am always amazed at single parents. In the past, I would always comment on how I wouldn't be able to do it. Well, I guess you would be surprised at what you can do because now I am a single parent, at least half of the time now.

Anyway, the kids and I drove around town on Saturday night, looking at Christmas lights. I even let them drink hot chocolate in the van. Talk about living on the edge.

Today they had their Christmas program at church. It was pretty cute. I had to laugh when one of the little girls up in the front row started to pick her nose. I guess she was a little hungry too. Now that is something my kids would do. I guess just not today.

It is weekends like these that I really start to miss my H. Or at least the H that I married. I don't really know the man that he has become anymore. I long to share these cherished moments or little stories with him. I miss cuddling up with him on the couch or spooning in bed. I miss his voice, smile, and touch. But come to think of it, even before he moved out, I hadn't seen any of this in a long time. I was too wrapped up in my own little world to pay the missing pieces much attention. I thought it was just a rough patch or bump in the road that we needed to get through. Boy, was I wrong. It is more like the Grand Canyon rather than a bump in the road. And the bridge to the other side has to be built by the two of us. It is just too bad that only one of us sees how beautiful it can be if we choose to get to the other side together.

[cpfullofhope]

MO3-
DOn't give up hope yet. My H and I have been separated for a year an a half. I don't know how it even got to be that long, but there would be progress made and then backsliding and the OW would come back around. Now he is saying he wants to come home and can he just at least stay in the other room to see if we can work things out. We are a long way from OK, but unfortunately it can take some people a long time to see the light. In the meantime, I learned how strong I was and that I could survive as a single mom emotionally, financially, etc. It has been very lonely and sad at times, and I hate that it happened, but I am a better person for the last few yeats. I guess I just want to encourage you to not give up hope. That doesn't mean you wait around and put your life on hold, but you focus on you and the kids and pray, pray, pray for strength and see what God has in store for you.

CP

[motherof3]

Thanks for the encouragement CP. I know my sitch is fairly early in the processes and I would like to say that I am not losing hope, but each day my hope seems to fade just a little more. And I certainly do not plan on putting my life on hold for H to make up his mind. I just pray that he comes around before all my hope is gone and have completely moved on.

I know God has a plan for me. Sure wish He would just share what the road ahead looks like for me.

[motherof3]

I am struggling tonight, feeling mostly grief. I can't stop the tears from coming. I can't help but wonder why doesn't H miss me. Why is he choosing to walk away from me? He is choosing to stop loving me. Am I really that horrible? Was our M really that bad? It must have been because he is gone.

I am sorry. I usually don't go down this path. I should know better, but tonight I just can't help it.

I pray that tomorrow will be better.

[luvless]

aw ((((((((mo3)))))))))

My heart aches for you. It's ok we have these days. I had a bad day too. I feel the same way. Why does my H want to stop loving me or distance himself from our M?

You aren't horrible and your marriage probably wasn't any worse than anyone's here. We all have issues. The problem is the weaker spouse (in my opinion) self destructs when it gets to be much for them.

I will be praying for you - try to get some rest tonight - I know how hard it is.

Luv

[motherof3]

Today was our Company holiday party. It started off with a 2+ hour presentation of business accomplishments made throughout the year, what to expect in 2010, awards are given out, blah, blah, blah. Then a late lunch is provided offsite. Good food, good conversations, it was an overall good time.

So prior to the festivities, I setup my out of office email reply stating that I would be unavailable today and will return to the office tomorrow. Right after I set this up, H sent me an email regarding S's sign up for Spring baseball. So H received my automated out of office reply. Since we have not communicated directly for a couple of weeks, he had no idea that I was going to be out or why I would have taken the day off. HeHeHe.

During our luncheon, H called my cell phone but didn't leave a message. This is odd as he generally doesn't call me during the day. If there is something that he needs to tell me he uses email or calls in the evening to speak with the kids and then asks to speak to me.

Then, about the time H gets off work, he tried my cell phone again. I didn't answer and he didn't leave a message. Shortly thereafter, the house phone rings and lo and behold it is him. I didn't answer then either. For all he knows, I wasn't home.

Could it be he was curious as to my whereabouts and why I took the day off? Or did he just want to tell me something regarding the kids? I know I am trying to mind read. So I will stop.

Since H has the kids tonight, my normal routine is to call them before bedtime and say goodnight. I am not sure how to handle this phone call, as H clearly wanted to speak to me. If he does want to talk, do I acknowledge that I saw he tried to reach me? He knows that I always check my cellphone and the caller ID on the house phone for missed calls. Do I not say anything at all and let him bring it up? I don't know what to do as I have not been in this type of a position since H moved out. What do I tell him if he asks what I did today? How can I explain it mysteriously? Strange, but I almost feel like I have the upper hand on this. Then again he may not even ask, but want to be prepared on how to respond.

[Dane]

Stay strong. Keep acting "as if". Remember mysterious, and dark.

[motherof3]

Hey Dane,

Noticed you are from NE. Go Big Red!

[Dane]

mother,
i am not a native, so have no allegience to the children of the corn, in fact went to a rival school.
anyway thanks for the note.