GUCCI, STEVE, GNO, TRENT... Thank you for posting all of this good stuff. It is time to create some CRISIS on the home front. THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!
OK, guys, I singled you out on Britt's thread, because I see, to a MUCHMUCHMUCH lessor degree some of her H in mine. Mine has not left, mine really does not treat me bad, and mine does not run around like a single man. My H "claims" to be just plain here for the kids. Frankly, I don't blame him to some degree, based on the year leading up to his ILYBINILWY (12/07) speech. HOWEVER, since then, after spending a year doing the wrong things, I have changed. His "issues" w/me, have been answered by sincere self introspection and work. He didn't like my constant need for new "things...," said he'd never be able to make me happy, said he didn't like that I wasn't interested in him sexually (see ST's sex life issues/thoughts, etc... on prior page - US to a T!), etc... Since then, I've almost completely shopped all of the boutique shopping, have been "satisfied" w/my existing car, encouraged the sale of our home (when we had a potential buyer, AND showed interest in homes that were MUCH lower in value/price). In fact, he made a comment at Thanksgiving... "Wow, W, remember a few years back, we would have had Thanksgiving dinner catered by the country club. This year you want to get a free turkey by dining out at (the local restaurant). Things have changed, huh?" Me.... "Yes, I guess so. This is just fine. I enjoy cooking for all of us myself."
SO, the lack of contact during the week is WORKING. He is ATTENTIVE, to the point of (almost) annoying! CHECK!
We had a really nice weekend away with the boys. S12 had a bball tournament (they did well!), and we stayed at a nice hotel nearby. Saturday afternoon (after the games) we had lunch at a cute pub in town, and then I noticed all of the quaint shops. We all went through a few of them, and the boys (including H) were so NOT interested. So, I offered to let them all off of the hook, and "Why don't you boys all go back to the hotel and chill? (They were all yawning, and H was severely sleep deprived.) I'll do some xmas shopping on my own, and not bore you all to death." When I got back, we all got ready, and went to dinner at a great restaurant. Yesterday, we had two more games in the am, and then we went to see Trans Siberian Orchestra (surprise for H since he had to miss it because of work, once...). He made a few snarky comments about the seats (AWFUL since we got them so late), but all-in-all we had a good time. Had dinner afterwards downtown, and all came home...
Sounds great, but it's really, just OK... The bond is either broken or very loose at this point. H always wants to be w/us, but he sits by me, but not close to me, talks to me, but not really w/me, etc... It's hurtful, and I know he sees the pain in my eyes sometimes. My mind wanders, and I tear up (look away, walk away, etc...). If he notices, he doesn't ask what's wrong, he tries to engage me... almost over the top, probably trying to make it better.
SO, I like the idea of acting as if this isn't working for me. I need a committed H (emotionally and sexually). I'll work towards it, but not do anything crazy until after my heart procedure on the 28th.
For now, I'll finish the holidays w/my usual smile on, but am welcome to suggestions...
Thank you, all. You're really saving my life.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
