At a loss about my sitch - Need advice and support

[sportsfan]

Hi again. Due to my insurance, I can't schedule an appointment with my counselor until after January 1. I need support and feedback from everyone here. Things had been going well lately or so I thought. I had my surgery and H was supportive and more upbeat, doing things for me since I had to take it easy, and said it sounded good to start dating once a week to try to reconnect emotionally.

Yesterday my world was blown apart again. I was digging through his old files trying to find a document and came across a love letter he wrote to his former co-worker. He was laid off from that company three years ago. I called and asked if there were others than the two I know about and he said no. I then said who is "so-and-so"? He said she was a friend from work. I replied she obviously was more than a friend and that I found the letter. He said they were involved four or five years ago. This was before the first OW. He professed his undying love to her even though they had to say goodbye. I asked if he still loved her and he said no. I'm sure this is true because he is currently in love with the latest OW.

We talked and he said he doesn't love me and he doesn't know why. Later in the conversation he said he did love me. He also said he doesn't know what he wants, so is obviously all over the place. H mentioned his emotional needs weren't/aren't being met and I told him I can't read his mind. My needs were/are not being met, either. At least I turned to the marriage. He ran away. He has figured out through counseling why he has had all the affairs. I told him that now that he knows why, he needs to work on solutions. He said he will talk with his counselor about it this week, but who knows. I mentioned he should read DB, which is one of the books he has.

I texted him that I had one last tidbit for him. Just waiting for loving feelings to return never works. It takes actions. Love is a verb. He responded, "Understand...". I am at a loss as to what to do. I have kept the R texts to a minimum and I will completely cut them out now. Other than that, I was doing okay with the DB'ing. Is it time to implement the last resort technique (I know the risk involved in that from DB and DR)? Go dark? Go dim? I am definitely GAL, but with the holidays around the corner all I want to do is hide after this latest discovery. Your thoughts are appreciated.