It has been an interesting week. My H seems to have taken to heart that I don't want to push him to do anything he doesn't want to do. He also understood that I have just as much free will to choose as he does. He seemed to relax and drop his walls more than usual.
He called and asked me to dinner on Thursday. We had a good meal and good conversation. Saturday he asked me to a movie. (We saw 2012. Don't believe any of the bad reviews, it was an awesome movie.) After the movie I got some nice kisses in his car before he left. I told him I loved him and then asked him if he had any problem with that. He smiled and said no, because I love you, too. After that I went home and had a cold shower. (No lie!)
Just an aside here, unlike the DB script, I have never stopped saying I love you. While acknowledging how he felt, I also have acknowledged how I felt. He feelings changed, but mine have not. And, he understands that with love there is acceptance of who he is and no expectations.
Today I went to church and hung out at home until 3, then went to my MIL's house. H was just finishing up with changing his oil and came over to greet me. I had three kisses in a row and a nice hug. I said I was going in to see Mom and he said he was just cleaning up and would be right in.
We had coffee and then later, pizza and wings. After dinner we sat and chatted at the kitchen table while his parents were watching tv. I asked if he would be staying over any time soon. He said maybe on Friday. I'd recorded the country music awards show for us to watch and so he knew why I asked about staying over. I would love to say there was another reason, but it is what it is.
When I was leaving I got up close and he held me (it was more than a hug) and kissed me soft and sweet. Oh man, start your engines, rockets at night, quake in my shoes! The man knew what he was doing to me and he just smiled and kissed me again.
After I left I sent him a text that I was sorry if he felt pushed and that I couldn't help reacting to him. He said it wasn't pushing and I'm sorry. I told him he had nothing to apologize for. He even called to say goodnight to me before bed.
The good days are definitely outweighing the bad lately.
I had a good talking to myself on the way home not to get over-excited. I'm just so in love with that man. I have a small oval disk I carry in my pocket that says patience. I have to be patient with myself, as well as my H right now. We aren't quite to piecing and I refuse to get ahead of myself.
God is conducting the orchestra and the more I relax and get out of his way the sweeter the music gets.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
mnt dreams, I continue to work on me. When (not if) my H comes home I will not be the weakest link. Letting go and continuing to love at the same time is the hardest thing to learn. Control is an illusion. The only one in control is God.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
It has been an interesting week. My H seems to have taken to heart that I don't want to push him to do anything he doesn't want to do. He also understood that I have just as much free will to choose as he does. He seemed to relax and drop his walls more than usual. Good!
He called and asked me to dinner on Thursday. We had a good meal and good conversation. Saturday he asked me to a movie. (We saw 2012. Don't believe any of the bad reviews, it was an awesome movie.) After the movie I got some nice kisses in his car before he left. I told him I loved him and then asked him if he had any problem with that. He smiled and said no, because I love you, too. After that I went home and had a cold shower. (No lie!)Good, Good.
Just an aside here, unlike the DB script, I have never stopped saying I love you. While acknowledging how he felt, I also have acknowledged how I felt. He feelings changed, but mine have not. And, he understands that with love there is acceptance of who he is and no expectations. Good for you (ILYs)
Today I went to church and hung out at home until 3, then went to my MIL's house. H was just finishing up with changing his oil and came over to greet me. I had three kisses in a row and a nice hug. I said I was going in to see Mom and he said he was just cleaning up and would be right in.Good, Good, Good (three cold showers)?
We had coffee and then later, pizza and wings. After dinner we sat and chatted at the kitchen table while his parents were watching tv. I asked if he would be staying over any time soon. He said maybe on Friday. I'd recorded the country music awards show for us to watch and so he knew why I asked about staying over. I would love to say there was another reason, but it is what it is.Oh, say it! You're on a roll. Make it on a roll in the hay!
When I was leaving I got up close and he held me (it was more than a hug) and kissed me soft and sweet. Oh man, start your engines, rockets at night, quake in my shoes! The man knew what he was doing to me and he just smiled and kissed me again.
After I left I sent him a text that I was sorry if he felt pushed and that I couldn't help reacting to him. He said it wasn't pushing and I'm sorry. I told him he had nothing to apologize for. He even called to say goodnight to me before bed.
The good days are definitely outweighing the bad lately.
I had a good talking to myself on the way home not to get over-excited. I'm just so in love with that man. I have a small oval disk I carry in my pocket that says patience. I have to be patient with myself, as well as my H right now. We aren't quite to piecing and I refuse to get ahead of myself.
God is conducting the orchestra and the more I relax and get out of his way the sweeter the music gets. Man, are things looking up. I'm so glad for you.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I forgot to add one somewhat important thing last night. I had told him about Passionate Marriage and the premise that people mistakenly become emotionally fused and unable to self-validate and how damaging that is to a relationship. I told him the sex parts of the book were interesting, but that the relationship information was very important and valuable.
He agreed to read the book. The night he took it home he read the entire first chapter. The book had a profound impact on me and how I think about being in a relationship. Its encouraging that he is reading it. Who knows what he will think of it, but we often read the same book and then discuss it. Although, none of them before has involved relationships.
Back to cold showers, everyone. Somehow I'm glad though. H hasn't kissed me like the ones at the end of Sunday night in over a year.
I have to run. Lots of homework to do and I have an appointment at the local school district to talk to the school business manager about one of my projects.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
That is excellent. You are building those legos well. I can see them getting taller and more put together.
I am so excited for you as you continue to make great progress. I know it is not there yet, but it will be I think.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I am extremely grateful to God for the wonderful blessing of my h showing up with a suitcase to stay in the extra bedroom. No, things are not 100% and they are not like they were. But, his asthma was going crazy from the woodstove at his parents. I told him to come home.
I am under no illusions that we are "fixed" and have no idea if this will help or hurt. All I know is that I can be in the moment and not look beyond the minute I am in. He is here, we are adults trying to rebuild, we care about each other, that is all that is certain right now.
Control is an illusion, and I am ever so much more content not knowing how things will turn out and remaining true to myself. I still carry a disk in my pocket that says "Patience."
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I'm going to steer my own glacier and stand ready with a rescue ring. I'll be the one on my knees thanking my Lord God for his special blessings every day in my life.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
