K4D Rising #4

[The Wifey]

Hey Stuck, just how helpful do you think the insults are? Honestly, if he bugs you that much then take a break. Its Christmas for God's sake. Can't you be a little nicer?

Geez are you really that thick? For someone who has a priest for a friend, was an alcoholic and considers himself a stander, you're pretty judgemental. You jump to conclusions and consider all others beneath you. And before you disagree, look at what you just posted. About how manipulative her family is, how disgusting your W's actions are (from previous posts).

Let's face it. They have a reason not to invite you to anything. You were an alcoholic...a user who didn't care about anyone else's feelings but your own. And you're still like that.

We all have heard this. We got it. Really.

Did you ever think that for once, maybe they invited you to be nice? Not everyone has an agenda.

This was a better start.

You even questioned why I and others posted to you as if we had other motives.

That might be because you throw in insults with advice. Even if he needs to hear things that are difficult, insulting the guy or saying things in a hurtful manner do not help him to change.

I'm sure you are going to want to blast me for saying this, and I've got broad shoulders to take it. But let me explain further, nobody changes because they are walking in lock step with orders. They are just good at following what others say.

The minute they are on their own without advice to follow they crumble and make mistakes, then come to the site, only to be blasted for the mistakes. It is far better to offer advice and let the person incorporate the advice and learn what works. Even if they skin their knees a lot, when they learn a lesson it sticks.

Kevin is learning to be Kevin. On his own, in his own head, within his own skin.

When you were firmly "standing" for your M, you said that even if your Ds were going out with an alcoholic or abuser, that they should stay M and that you would forgive their Hs and see that they got help. Well I don't see that happening. For someone with a priest as a friend and considers himself a godly man for standing, you sure have a problem with forgiveness. It's that same condescending attitude that you are showing towards your W. You'd have to be pretty blind not to see that.

I'm sorry, but this sure sounds condescending to me. Take a break and think. Just how much did this help him?

It's really simple. Do you want to go or not? If you don't than don't. Don't blame others for your feeling awkward. You're being petty and showing your Ds that as well. No one's "manipulating" you.

It isn't about coddling someone or ignoring what they do. Its more about offering constructive criticism with respect for Kevin as a human being.