#67 Cant find my "pieces"

[AliSuddenly]

As for you, ok, we can only change/control ourselves, so what can you do?

- First off, "screaming and yelling" isnt going to help. I know you are hurt and angry, but nobody listens when someone shouts and you are closing down the chance to talk by doing that. He may feel afraid to be honest with you, because of your reaction. BF told me that because I was too 'strong' a communicator, he stopped trying to tell me how he felt, because I would talk him around or act like his opinion wasnt valid. Maybe this is true of your H? At least think about the way you communicate with him..

- stop being so negative? When you posted recently here or to Bobbi, hey sis I'm in the same boat...thats not true! Your H wanted you back. He doesnt want a D. OK, he is blocked, but he is trying and he's committed to you mentally if not yet fully romantically. Thats more than half the battle M, he already came back!

Thirdly, how about getting some acceptance? He didnt just have an A, he actually LEFT. You were apart. He was free to date who he wanted (and you were too and you did so you can see how thats possible). All's fair in love and war, we dont have to stay with people, we choose to. And he chose to leave, but he also chose to come back, which IS amazing. How about saying to him you understand it must be hard to be romantic with you after those 3 years, you cant just flick a switch? .. BUT, he has to get off the fence and at least meet you half way before its too late.

Lastly how about you drop your pride and protective walls and cautiousness and tell him COME HOME? You would both benefit from being in the same house again as a family. You will have more time to build new loving memories and he will feel accepted. Show him and HER you are making a fresh start. Whats the worst that will happen? You will get D and the kids will be dreadfully disappointed? You're headed that way anyway. Perhaps you two could make plans to buy another place (a new home, or a 2nd place?)

Or if none of the above strikes a chord with you.. how about you just call a truce for Christmas and ask him to move home this weekend for two weeks for the Christmas/New Year period? Tell the kids as a treat Dads coming to stay for Christmas.. and do it as a trial? Make plans, have friends over for drinks, go to Church together, be together Christmas Eve/Day, cook, eat as a family, watch comedies, laugh together, play with the kids, go to bed together and snuggle up, just show him some love and forgiveness, but drop ALL expectations and ALL conversations about the past during these 2 weeks.

Just be.... ?

ok.. just some thoughts for discussion. OR... file.
xxxx